At the end of June when I determined to begin this blog, I had several possible names I considered. I wanted something that would fit our circumstances, and I wanted it to convey the notion of suffering as it relates to God's glory. And I wanted it to come from Scripture. I chose Waiting on the Lord initially from Isaiah 40, but Psalm 37 is more appropriate. We should always be found waiting for the Lord.
Do we just say that God's ways are perfect, or do we live in that understanding? Do we affirm that God is perfect in his timing, or does this knowledge have an effect on our daily life? Our sin goes so deep we want what we want and that immediately. Even the most patient of us suffer from having to wait on things. We do not do patient well.
We don't see well enough to recognize when we've received the gifts, blessings, answers, we were expecting. we don't discern that what we've received is God's provision, given by his own hand, in his perfect time, according to his plan for his purpose which is ultimately for our good. This is true for the unbeliever as much for the believer. Imagine that! Even when we are told "no," we are receiving a blessing from God for our good.
So we wait. Imperfectly, but we wait nonetheless. And that is why I chose this as the title. I need God's work in my life to teach meow I can be better at waiting. I have seen God at work from before we began this journey 'cause I am confident in God, even though I still experience wanting things to move according to my time. Waiting, if you pray for discernment, helps you gain a beter perspective of God's work, his plan, and his timing.
We had a scan on November 29, and we received the results later that week. We read the report but had to wait until December 29 to actually hear from the oncologist. In the interim, we created anticipation, expectations of what we would hear from that appointment. Just as we created expectations from our first scan in August. It was the results of that scan that taught me about God's perspective. "No progress (no shrinking of the cancer) initially leading to discouragement was turned to "no new growth and no growth of the existing cancer that turned the discouragement to rejoicing for good news.
Similarly, the report from the November scan essentially showed decreasing size of the cells in the liver, most notably the larger two masses, and the smaller cells that were somewhat distinguishable in the first scan were now indistinguishable, interpreted by me as indication the those cells were also shrinking. The visit with Dr Felice not only corroborated that interpretation, but he confirmed my read of his focus that we would continue with the therapy we are currently on. He repeated his plan from our first meeting that the goal of therapy for this cancer is to achieve maximum benefit against minimal deleterious effect. And since we have tolerated treatment so well and there are indications of positive effect, I anticipated and he confirmed we would continue with our chemotherapy. And so we shall.
So we have treatment scheduled for January 5, January 19, and February 2. We expect a scan at the end of January. And that brings another effect of our sin . . . I get tomlook forward to another morning of drinking the two containers of that berry flavored barium drink and the IV poke for the contrast fluid.
Waiting for that day, for the results, for prayfully more positive progress on this journey, but also for increasing understanding from God that helps me see that positive progress, for my good, Cynth's good, Caleb's good, Aaron's good, Rachael's good, or our families' and friend's good might not meet our desire, but that it does fit God's purpose. That, truly, is my desire and prayer. May God be praised in the waiting.
