Good Sunday to you all. Again the gospel message presented and was a refreshing and renewing as the first time. Today's message came from 1 Corinthians 15:1-11. Before worship I read an article in a previous World magazine that discussed the relationship of science and theology. Near the end, the writer contrasted the world's religions and how they were hampered in the sciences by their unique characteristics.
Not so in the West, where a "reverential curiosity" provided the impetus for science. And just as in all our human endeavors we are beholden to a powerful sovereign, the writer points out that "the beginning of human achievement was to look up in wonder. Then look up and wonder." The article concludes "When we stop looking up, achievement will end." All our days are to be spent looking up, seeking God, giving our selves to his filling presence, and in wonder of his work. Remember, God works through men and women, even non-believers, to effect his will.
Now for something a little different. On Friday, we in this household celebrated my bride's birthday. She was given breakfast prepared by Rachael, and Aaron was able to spend a portion of the morning with her, too. She is an amazing lady. If for nothing more than putting up with me. She has nearly live with me for half her life. And as each year brought new challenges for each of us, her faith and her quiet determination has been invaluable to our growth together. Cynth said she had a wonderful day and many were the well wishes over Facebook. I am thankful for her, and for the help she is to me always.
Another great day, another good week. God continues to be our strength and our provision for daily peace. We know we have two more treatment cycles scheduled, and we anticipate more to follow. We know nothing more of radiation, but we know that all this is according to God's call on us each individual and together as a family. As we lef tthe doctor's office Thursday, Cynth asked how do we take the news that there is no growing in the current cells, and no new growth. My first thought was, "no change." And that almost led to discouragement. But as she and I talked through it, we each were led to the realization that no growingh, was really very good news. We had already prepared for no change, so to look at this as no growing required little more than listening to God encouraging us.
We are looking up, knowing that we can only make sense of this, and have confidence by acknowledging God as LORD in all things. He alone is our strength, our ever present help. And he alone can save.
May I, we, and you always look up and wonder to the glory of our great God.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
A Fair Wind
Cynth's paternal grandfather, according to her experience, was an "all or nothing" man. Her favorite story about him is that if he was hot in the car, he would turn the air conditioning full cold (and expect it to immediately produce ice cubes).
Cynth is fond of saying the same of me. Maybe it is true. I'll concede it may be so, to a point. As with most such traits, it is nigh impossible to recognize in ones self. Even so, I am trying to see it and temper that aspect of my character. This, I know is a long journey, just as is life itself.
In 1976, a young man of nearly 26 seemed at the top of the world. Peter Kenneth Frampton the year prior had recorded a live album over four shows that spanned the United States. Debuting on Billboard at 191 in January 1976, Frampton Comes Alive! needed just a few days over four months to reach Number One, a spot it held for ten weeks. The album became the top selling album of 1976 and one of the best selling live albums to date. It gave Frampton his big breakthrough as a solo artist, especially since it followed four studio albums which brought little commercial success. I only want to reference one song by title here. But first . . .
Elijah despaired that he life was in danger, even after seeing God show his power over Baal. When God next showed himself to Elijah, it was not in any of the manners Elijah expected, but in a still quiet whisper. Then God told him of his plan for the future, naming kings and a prophet he was to anoint.
I too had a hope for today that did not come to pass. I wrote here awhile ago that I believed it possible although not likely that the scan of Monday would show me cancer free (prior to posting I actually used the word "realistic"). Imagine me, me deciding what is realistic in God's creation. So although we had prayed specifically, and were hopeful about the potential for significant indications from the scan, neither Cynth nor I went to our appointment with any strong expectation for results.
And for once, "change" was not used in our discussion. Today, instead of hearing what possibilities might come if this or that were to be, our talk was of what is, right now. The scan on Monday shows that the cancer is not growing. Nor are there new cells of can er anywhere. As you might imagine, our reaction at first was mixed.
One thing we're not is discouraged. Our treatments will continue, and, we suspect, continue beyond the initial six. That simply means to me that, just as Elijah needed God to remind him to have faith, so we also must be reminded that we must trust God who is our strength and shield.
"Wind of Change." The title of the Frampton song I want to reference. Today the Spirit of God worked in Cynth and I for no discouragement and no despair, where oh, so easily there could have been after our appointment. We had to remember that gentle leading we've experienced these past three months through moments of uncertainty that gave way to unfathomable peace. I know if it were up to me and my understanding, I would even now be ready for giving up as I once would. But God has grown me, so I am assured that he is able to finish that which he has begun in me.
The wind did bring change today. Not the change we expected, but change nonetheless and even more profitable. And it was a fair wind, indeed.
Cynth is fond of saying the same of me. Maybe it is true. I'll concede it may be so, to a point. As with most such traits, it is nigh impossible to recognize in ones self. Even so, I am trying to see it and temper that aspect of my character. This, I know is a long journey, just as is life itself.
In 1976, a young man of nearly 26 seemed at the top of the world. Peter Kenneth Frampton the year prior had recorded a live album over four shows that spanned the United States. Debuting on Billboard at 191 in January 1976, Frampton Comes Alive! needed just a few days over four months to reach Number One, a spot it held for ten weeks. The album became the top selling album of 1976 and one of the best selling live albums to date. It gave Frampton his big breakthrough as a solo artist, especially since it followed four studio albums which brought little commercial success. I only want to reference one song by title here. But first . . .
Elijah despaired that he life was in danger, even after seeing God show his power over Baal. When God next showed himself to Elijah, it was not in any of the manners Elijah expected, but in a still quiet whisper. Then God told him of his plan for the future, naming kings and a prophet he was to anoint.
I too had a hope for today that did not come to pass. I wrote here awhile ago that I believed it possible although not likely that the scan of Monday would show me cancer free (prior to posting I actually used the word "realistic"). Imagine me, me deciding what is realistic in God's creation. So although we had prayed specifically, and were hopeful about the potential for significant indications from the scan, neither Cynth nor I went to our appointment with any strong expectation for results.
And for once, "change" was not used in our discussion. Today, instead of hearing what possibilities might come if this or that were to be, our talk was of what is, right now. The scan on Monday shows that the cancer is not growing. Nor are there new cells of can er anywhere. As you might imagine, our reaction at first was mixed.
One thing we're not is discouraged. Our treatments will continue, and, we suspect, continue beyond the initial six. That simply means to me that, just as Elijah needed God to remind him to have faith, so we also must be reminded that we must trust God who is our strength and shield.
"Wind of Change." The title of the Frampton song I want to reference. Today the Spirit of God worked in Cynth and I for no discouragement and no despair, where oh, so easily there could have been after our appointment. We had to remember that gentle leading we've experienced these past three months through moments of uncertainty that gave way to unfathomable peace. I know if it were up to me and my understanding, I would even now be ready for giving up as I once would. But God has grown me, so I am assured that he is able to finish that which he has begun in me.
The wind did bring change today. Not the change we expected, but change nonetheless and even more profitable. And it was a fair wind, indeed.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Next Biggest Thing
In less than 24 hours, we'll have had the next biggest event in our lives to that point. Dr Felice will give us the results of the scan and I expect there will be discussion about proceeding with radiation. Dr Felice did tell us at the beginning of this journey that we expect miracles and that we should set hopeful goals. We've been all over that, even now praying that the cancer will be gone. I know that seems pollyanna-ish, but I believe it is possible. Likely may be something else.
You all are awesome prayer warriors. So I hope you won't mind if I add a few more. My co-worker's friend, known only as "Pig" has just been diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer and faces surgery. Another friend is continuing a months long search for work. And I want to include my mom and step-father who now are nearing their third year of selling their house in Easley, SC. Please lift all these in prayer, for God's mercy, his grace, his peace and his provision in their need.
I continued to have a little pain today, even though we've added some new measures. We pray not only for good news tomorrow concerning the cancer, but also we pray that we'll hear something that will bring some relief. However, if this is the worst to date, and it is, then I am truly blessed by God for he has heard and answered my cries and the prayers of his people.
And while we're talking about prayer, let me remind us all that God has promised we will find him when we seek him with our heart. He also promises that if we, his people, who are called by his name, will humble ourselves and pray and seek his face and turn from our wicked ways, he will hear from heaven and forgive our sin and heal our land (2 Chronicles 7:14). God makes this promise after Solomom had completed and dedicated the temple. Just before the promise, though, God acknowledges the the prayers of Solomon and chooses the temple for his house of sacrifice. Sandwiched between such a blessing to Solomon and Israel, and the promise is a verse illustrating God'S justice: "When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people, . . ."
God, knowing his people, intimately, knows their hearts are easily turned from him. So he tells Solomon and the people that he is a God who will act justly, chastening his own to work repentence and faithfulness. And he includes the promise of restoration immediately after his statement of justice.
I bring this to you for it's personal application, me most of all, but also for our nation. For yet a little while, America is still the greatest testimony to the goodness of God. If things continue as they seem to be, I fear that our nation may be lost. Thus I pray, pray that our country will cry to God, turn from their wickedness, and seek his face. I pray also that the current administration will be moved to govern according to the truths in our Declaration of Independece and our US Constitution; that they will be protected from harm and turned from the corruption of their hearts.
If we were all to pray in this manner, this could be the next biggest thing.
You all are awesome prayer warriors. So I hope you won't mind if I add a few more. My co-worker's friend, known only as "Pig" has just been diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer and faces surgery. Another friend is continuing a months long search for work. And I want to include my mom and step-father who now are nearing their third year of selling their house in Easley, SC. Please lift all these in prayer, for God's mercy, his grace, his peace and his provision in their need.
I continued to have a little pain today, even though we've added some new measures. We pray not only for good news tomorrow concerning the cancer, but also we pray that we'll hear something that will bring some relief. However, if this is the worst to date, and it is, then I am truly blessed by God for he has heard and answered my cries and the prayers of his people.
And while we're talking about prayer, let me remind us all that God has promised we will find him when we seek him with our heart. He also promises that if we, his people, who are called by his name, will humble ourselves and pray and seek his face and turn from our wicked ways, he will hear from heaven and forgive our sin and heal our land (2 Chronicles 7:14). God makes this promise after Solomom had completed and dedicated the temple. Just before the promise, though, God acknowledges the the prayers of Solomon and chooses the temple for his house of sacrifice. Sandwiched between such a blessing to Solomon and Israel, and the promise is a verse illustrating God'S justice: "When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people, . . ."
God, knowing his people, intimately, knows their hearts are easily turned from him. So he tells Solomon and the people that he is a God who will act justly, chastening his own to work repentence and faithfulness. And he includes the promise of restoration immediately after his statement of justice.
I bring this to you for it's personal application, me most of all, but also for our nation. For yet a little while, America is still the greatest testimony to the goodness of God. If things continue as they seem to be, I fear that our nation may be lost. Thus I pray, pray that our country will cry to God, turn from their wickedness, and seek his face. I pray also that the current administration will be moved to govern according to the truths in our Declaration of Independece and our US Constitution; that they will be protected from harm and turned from the corruption of their hearts.
If we were all to pray in this manner, this could be the next biggest thing.
Rejoicing
How has my day been today? I'll 'fess up . . .
For the last several days I have had some considerable pain in conjunction with certain functions. Despite the early relief by altering my diet, it does not seem to be helping now. So we're altering the diet a little more, and trying a few other things before our appointment Thursday. Additionally, my throat (soreness) was worse this morning than over the past several weeks. As with other things and sensations I have felt or experienced since this began, our first thought is to the relationship of either the cancer or the treatment to those things. How do we deal with this?
Faith and prayer. We've been praying, in our case, mostly for God's peace, his will, and his glory to be shown. Intermixed with those prayers are the requests for complete healing or to have the cancer shrinking, to be free of the side effects, or to have minimal effects. Cynth has commented how much peace she has about this, even as the weeks have passed. And we who should know better think it strange to have such peace.
I don't hide that I, and Cynth also, have struggled with so much of what we are walking through. For me, that struggle sometimes leads to outward frustration. Our struggle with the presence of the cancer, though, does not include our acknowledgement that this is his. We struggle with each of these new physical issues, but not with the faith that God is using them to his glory and our good. We struggle with the impatience that just wants this to be over - right now, but not with the understanding that God is at work and all things (my illness included) will be complete and it's purpose accomplished in God's time. We struggle with the "why," but not with the rightness of God and his plan.
I was reminded of a passage from Habakkuk the other day. In the face of seeing wickedness continue all around, Habakkuk complains that God does not hear his cries for help. God's answer is that Habakkuk would not believe what God is doing if he were included in his plan. God contrasts the wicked and the righteous by declaring the "righteous shall live by faith." Then, at the close of the book, Habakkuk demonstrates that he trusts that God is faithfully working to exact justice. In spite of the pain and sorrow of destruction that has been prophesied earlier, Habakkuk closes thus:
"yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places."
I will rejoice!
For the last several days I have had some considerable pain in conjunction with certain functions. Despite the early relief by altering my diet, it does not seem to be helping now. So we're altering the diet a little more, and trying a few other things before our appointment Thursday. Additionally, my throat (soreness) was worse this morning than over the past several weeks. As with other things and sensations I have felt or experienced since this began, our first thought is to the relationship of either the cancer or the treatment to those things. How do we deal with this?
Faith and prayer. We've been praying, in our case, mostly for God's peace, his will, and his glory to be shown. Intermixed with those prayers are the requests for complete healing or to have the cancer shrinking, to be free of the side effects, or to have minimal effects. Cynth has commented how much peace she has about this, even as the weeks have passed. And we who should know better think it strange to have such peace.
I don't hide that I, and Cynth also, have struggled with so much of what we are walking through. For me, that struggle sometimes leads to outward frustration. Our struggle with the presence of the cancer, though, does not include our acknowledgement that this is his. We struggle with each of these new physical issues, but not with the faith that God is using them to his glory and our good. We struggle with the impatience that just wants this to be over - right now, but not with the understanding that God is at work and all things (my illness included) will be complete and it's purpose accomplished in God's time. We struggle with the "why," but not with the rightness of God and his plan.
I was reminded of a passage from Habakkuk the other day. In the face of seeing wickedness continue all around, Habakkuk complains that God does not hear his cries for help. God's answer is that Habakkuk would not believe what God is doing if he were included in his plan. God contrasts the wicked and the righteous by declaring the "righteous shall live by faith." Then, at the close of the book, Habakkuk demonstrates that he trusts that God is faithfully working to exact justice. In spite of the pain and sorrow of destruction that has been prophesied earlier, Habakkuk closes thus:
"yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places."
I will rejoice!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, Monday
Today started with the scan. Much like others before,this one took about ten minutes and was somewhat uneventful. The one big factor was the 900ml of Barium Sulfate (wild berry flavor) I was given to drink within the span of an hour. I had never had to do that before for a scan. Oh well . . .
I had had nothing to eat prior to the scan, so I was actually a little thankful to have the drink, but it did fill me up and make me feel rather sluggish. Regardless, the CT scan is done and we'll know more on Thursday afternoon.
This afternoon I was reminded yet once again how God's ways are not our ways. God's desire is for our heart to be completely, entirely his own. The outward actions we get so entangled by flow out of that heart that seeks only God and his will. We get into trouble when our desire comes before God. Isn't that the root of Genesis 3:6? And ever since, we have rebelled against anyone telling us what is true and right. Get defensive? I do. Pride is terribly hard to conquer, and in many ways I have fought against pride during this episode. Why? To conquer pride is to humble myself and submit to another, which means I first have to admit that I am powerless to [live this life] on my own.
How easy is it to ask for help? To borrow a phrase, if we cannot ask for help with little things, how can we ever ask for help for bigger things? It might be an oversimplification, but a possible reason for much of our frustration, discouragement, doubt and fear, is this knowledge, ultimately, that we cannot do one thing on our behalf for ourselves; that we need, in the most desperate manner we can, someone else to accomplish what we cannot on our own.
And when we give in, even in the most feeble way, God pours into our heart and life, granting us peace for the taking so that we no longer worry about keeping up our appearance, mercy for ourselves and for others as we continue to struggle in this broken world, and grace abounding to shower upon our brothers and sisters and those who need to know Jesus.
I read a few articles today from the most recent edition of World Magazine. The articles were on work and calling. The author of one article helped me see again, with fresh eyes, that we are called to grow and serve wherever God has called us. For Cynth and me, right now, that includes cancer. And through this calling, he continues to grow my faith, showing me his truth in new ways, and guiding me ever onward to becoming more like Christ. Early on in this chapter, I gave this up to God, agreeing with him that I could not do this on my own. I acknowledged I was powerless to look to him on my own, to follow him on my own, to serve him on my own. And he has provided at every turn, the strength, mercy and peace to look to him and his hand steadies me, and Cynth too, so that our faith is made strong, and we do not fear.
I am thankful that God has given me this opportunity, for it has allowed me to share more than just the physical stuff of the disease. He has given me this opportunity to share what he is doing in my life. Pray with me that I will be faithful to this calling on me and that many who are not sure about Jesus will be moved and will hear and be turned to him.
I had had nothing to eat prior to the scan, so I was actually a little thankful to have the drink, but it did fill me up and make me feel rather sluggish. Regardless, the CT scan is done and we'll know more on Thursday afternoon.
This afternoon I was reminded yet once again how God's ways are not our ways. God's desire is for our heart to be completely, entirely his own. The outward actions we get so entangled by flow out of that heart that seeks only God and his will. We get into trouble when our desire comes before God. Isn't that the root of Genesis 3:6? And ever since, we have rebelled against anyone telling us what is true and right. Get defensive? I do. Pride is terribly hard to conquer, and in many ways I have fought against pride during this episode. Why? To conquer pride is to humble myself and submit to another, which means I first have to admit that I am powerless to [live this life] on my own.
How easy is it to ask for help? To borrow a phrase, if we cannot ask for help with little things, how can we ever ask for help for bigger things? It might be an oversimplification, but a possible reason for much of our frustration, discouragement, doubt and fear, is this knowledge, ultimately, that we cannot do one thing on our behalf for ourselves; that we need, in the most desperate manner we can, someone else to accomplish what we cannot on our own.
And when we give in, even in the most feeble way, God pours into our heart and life, granting us peace for the taking so that we no longer worry about keeping up our appearance, mercy for ourselves and for others as we continue to struggle in this broken world, and grace abounding to shower upon our brothers and sisters and those who need to know Jesus.
I read a few articles today from the most recent edition of World Magazine. The articles were on work and calling. The author of one article helped me see again, with fresh eyes, that we are called to grow and serve wherever God has called us. For Cynth and me, right now, that includes cancer. And through this calling, he continues to grow my faith, showing me his truth in new ways, and guiding me ever onward to becoming more like Christ. Early on in this chapter, I gave this up to God, agreeing with him that I could not do this on my own. I acknowledged I was powerless to look to him on my own, to follow him on my own, to serve him on my own. And he has provided at every turn, the strength, mercy and peace to look to him and his hand steadies me, and Cynth too, so that our faith is made strong, and we do not fear.
I am thankful that God has given me this opportunity, for it has allowed me to share more than just the physical stuff of the disease. He has given me this opportunity to share what he is doing in my life. Pray with me that I will be faithful to this calling on me and that many who are not sure about Jesus will be moved and will hear and be turned to him.
Encouragement
I want to remind you all that read here that there are so many others who are suffering from so many illnesses. I have mentioned many here in this space, asking for you to include them in prayer as you pray for me. Some are family members, others are co-workers, and still others are members of our church family. It was brought to mind again to me today that we are called to lift each other up, to encourage and lessen each other's load as we are able. And since we cannot really ever understand fully the pain or suffering of another, we can only help by reaching out and listening to them, to truly enter into their life and listen to their heart. Then, and only then can we be of help to them.
I spent a few minutes on the phone with my cousin Joe this evening. Joe lives in Florida and has for many years battle a long list of ailments. At first, Crohn's afflicted him, and now he too has found out he has rectal cancer. He receives a scan every Monday, and the treatments are not going well for him as far as side effects go. He is left very fatigued, and in some pain which has left him unable to work at present. He is discouraged, but I believe he is trusting God. We talked tonight about God's perfect plan, and that all either of us want to be right now is in God's plan. I tried to encourage as best I could, trusting that God was giving me the things to say.
But it is tough. I said above that we have to really listen, to enter into a person's life, and hear their heart before we can ever begin to be of any help. I heard in Joe tonight some discouragement, but also a bit of peace. There is still longing, a longing that healing would come, that he would be restored to health, but also there is a testament that God is in control, and that he is still at work in his life, just as he is all round. Please lift up my cousin, asking God for his strength and peace to increase, and for his healing, so he is restored to good health.
Also, today for the first time in a long time I saw a young woman at church, Katie, who is also battling Crohn's and just recently has been released from the latest in a long line of hospital visits. Katie is soon to be married, so please continue to lift her, her fiance and their families to God during this time. Pray for her that this latest procedure will bring her relief, healing and ever increasing strength.
Next, please lift up my step-father, Bob. He has a problem in his rotator cuff, and is to undergo physical therapy for the next three weeks. He has had a cortisone shot, but he needs prayer for patience to go through the therapy to get his strength back. Bob is 88, and he is a fighter, but he is a little impatient and frustrated at not be able to do as he has done before.
Lastly, I want to ask for prayer for someone dear to Cynth and me. We have some things that will need saying, boundaries that will need to be laid, and it will be a tough time for us. But we need God's wisdom in how this is handled, so please pray that in this situation, God will reign and order this as he deems it to be.
In about nine hours I will have the first scan (CT) since beginning chemotherapy. Cynth and I have already commented that it would be great to see no sign of cancer anywhere where there previously have been. Realistically, I expect the scan to show that the chemo has had some effect. But what if it hasn't?
With the first indication that there was the probability of cancer surfaced on June 9, the mind raced with all the horrible things that most suspect would be prominent when facing such a diagnosis, anticipating even that all those things would be true for me. As we went through the many appointments that followed and learned more and more of what we should expect, despair over the treatments and the possibilities weighed on me at times. Yet, I have not experienced any of what I expected. To be sure, I have had other effects, and this has not been easy by any means. But God in his mercy has blessed me beyond my deserving. He continues to lead me daily, giving me good sleep, keeping my appetite up, and giving me cause and opportunity to praise his name.
If there is no change in the cancer as demonstrated by the scan, it won't change one thing for Cynth and me. We continue to trust in God from whom all blessings flow. He did not bring us this far to back away and leave us on our own. He does not sleep, nor does he slumber. He is above all, sovereign over all, even this trial in our lives right here, right now. For me to be discouraged is to take my eyes off of Jesus and focus on me, how unfair this is, how wrong it is. And that means that God then no longer holds the place in my heart that rightfully belongs to him. When he invaded my life nearly 41 years ago, his demand on me was the total indwelling of his Spirit. It has taken nearly this long to even begin to grasp what that might look like. But in every instance over the past 41 years, I see God's hand in my life. Cynth can see it in her life, too. And from before we wed, we often talked about the paths God had led us on, and now we see that all God has worked in us over the years, much of it while we fought against it, has brought us to this point, this moment that God has chosen for us.
It will not change one thing, if there is no change in the cancer. I will continue to praise my God and King, I will continue to trust him for his outcome in this. We have two more chemo treatments in this cycle, there may be radiation (in fact, it is probably likely, judging from what Felice's nurse said) and there may be other things still - Cynth is already armed with lots of questions about the possibilities to address the liver lesions.
So how can this be encouraging? God knows better than I what I need. And he loves me enough to have provided a way for my reconciliation with him, even when I acknowledged him not. And he has raised him who is my salvation to reign with him and my Lord intercedes for me daily. As I said early on in this walk, God is my strength. I will not fear. Sound simple? It is not. It is why we have coveted your prayers these many days. Like Moses needed someone to hold up his arms as the army of Israel fought in the desert, so we all need someone to hold us up to God. Perfectly, we have Jesus at God's right hand, but you all also, being part of the body of Christ, aid in intercession on my behalf, and on those whom I have mentioned to you.
Thanks be to God for all of you , your prayers, your thoughts, well wishes, and all the ways you care for others in the body. Remember to take the opportunity to share the hope in you when God presents it to you.
The Edwards Pot Roast and veggies was a big, big hit. The brownies didn't last too long, though.
I spent a few minutes on the phone with my cousin Joe this evening. Joe lives in Florida and has for many years battle a long list of ailments. At first, Crohn's afflicted him, and now he too has found out he has rectal cancer. He receives a scan every Monday, and the treatments are not going well for him as far as side effects go. He is left very fatigued, and in some pain which has left him unable to work at present. He is discouraged, but I believe he is trusting God. We talked tonight about God's perfect plan, and that all either of us want to be right now is in God's plan. I tried to encourage as best I could, trusting that God was giving me the things to say.
But it is tough. I said above that we have to really listen, to enter into a person's life, and hear their heart before we can ever begin to be of any help. I heard in Joe tonight some discouragement, but also a bit of peace. There is still longing, a longing that healing would come, that he would be restored to health, but also there is a testament that God is in control, and that he is still at work in his life, just as he is all round. Please lift up my cousin, asking God for his strength and peace to increase, and for his healing, so he is restored to good health.
Also, today for the first time in a long time I saw a young woman at church, Katie, who is also battling Crohn's and just recently has been released from the latest in a long line of hospital visits. Katie is soon to be married, so please continue to lift her, her fiance and their families to God during this time. Pray for her that this latest procedure will bring her relief, healing and ever increasing strength.
Next, please lift up my step-father, Bob. He has a problem in his rotator cuff, and is to undergo physical therapy for the next three weeks. He has had a cortisone shot, but he needs prayer for patience to go through the therapy to get his strength back. Bob is 88, and he is a fighter, but he is a little impatient and frustrated at not be able to do as he has done before.
Lastly, I want to ask for prayer for someone dear to Cynth and me. We have some things that will need saying, boundaries that will need to be laid, and it will be a tough time for us. But we need God's wisdom in how this is handled, so please pray that in this situation, God will reign and order this as he deems it to be.
In about nine hours I will have the first scan (CT) since beginning chemotherapy. Cynth and I have already commented that it would be great to see no sign of cancer anywhere where there previously have been. Realistically, I expect the scan to show that the chemo has had some effect. But what if it hasn't?
With the first indication that there was the probability of cancer surfaced on June 9, the mind raced with all the horrible things that most suspect would be prominent when facing such a diagnosis, anticipating even that all those things would be true for me. As we went through the many appointments that followed and learned more and more of what we should expect, despair over the treatments and the possibilities weighed on me at times. Yet, I have not experienced any of what I expected. To be sure, I have had other effects, and this has not been easy by any means. But God in his mercy has blessed me beyond my deserving. He continues to lead me daily, giving me good sleep, keeping my appetite up, and giving me cause and opportunity to praise his name.
If there is no change in the cancer as demonstrated by the scan, it won't change one thing for Cynth and me. We continue to trust in God from whom all blessings flow. He did not bring us this far to back away and leave us on our own. He does not sleep, nor does he slumber. He is above all, sovereign over all, even this trial in our lives right here, right now. For me to be discouraged is to take my eyes off of Jesus and focus on me, how unfair this is, how wrong it is. And that means that God then no longer holds the place in my heart that rightfully belongs to him. When he invaded my life nearly 41 years ago, his demand on me was the total indwelling of his Spirit. It has taken nearly this long to even begin to grasp what that might look like. But in every instance over the past 41 years, I see God's hand in my life. Cynth can see it in her life, too. And from before we wed, we often talked about the paths God had led us on, and now we see that all God has worked in us over the years, much of it while we fought against it, has brought us to this point, this moment that God has chosen for us.
It will not change one thing, if there is no change in the cancer. I will continue to praise my God and King, I will continue to trust him for his outcome in this. We have two more chemo treatments in this cycle, there may be radiation (in fact, it is probably likely, judging from what Felice's nurse said) and there may be other things still - Cynth is already armed with lots of questions about the possibilities to address the liver lesions.
So how can this be encouraging? God knows better than I what I need. And he loves me enough to have provided a way for my reconciliation with him, even when I acknowledged him not. And he has raised him who is my salvation to reign with him and my Lord intercedes for me daily. As I said early on in this walk, God is my strength. I will not fear. Sound simple? It is not. It is why we have coveted your prayers these many days. Like Moses needed someone to hold up his arms as the army of Israel fought in the desert, so we all need someone to hold us up to God. Perfectly, we have Jesus at God's right hand, but you all also, being part of the body of Christ, aid in intercession on my behalf, and on those whom I have mentioned to you.
Thanks be to God for all of you , your prayers, your thoughts, well wishes, and all the ways you care for others in the body. Remember to take the opportunity to share the hope in you when God presents it to you.
The Edwards Pot Roast and veggies was a big, big hit. The brownies didn't last too long, though.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Numbers
Oddly, I was never very good at math. I remember being told that I would never get the concepts, and if I never got the concepts, then I would never be very good at math. That stuck with me for a very long time, affecting me all through college, although to an increasingly lesser degree. And wouldn't you know it, God called me and arranged for me to have an opportunity for a career as a USAF navigator - one continuous, gigantic word problem after another. Not only did I have the opportunity, but I completed the training, and spent the next 12 years in one of the best career fields ever. The navigator was already on the way to becoming something of a dinosaur by the time I earned my wings, and my last check ride didn't require me to navigate celestially (using the sun, moon, stars or planets) as before - everything had been tied into the nifty little box called the Global Positioning System (GPS). So, although I enjoyed my time flying very much, I was a little glad to be leaving the cockpit at the beginning of that change. But as I had to acknowledge, numbers were to be a continual part of my life.
I think of the Book of Numbers in God's word. My English Standard Version tells me that Numbers describes the gradual fulfillment of God's promises to Abraham the his descendants would be the people of God and have the land of Canaan. It further tells me that Numbers uses a travel story with various motifs throughout. Once upon a time, a Bible study we were part of in this very house before we purchased it (one fabulous God story) was based on the book "How to Read the Boring Parts of the Bible." One of those is the Book of Numbers. Now , it might be a little dusty from lack of reading , but Numbers is not all that boring, especially as it conveys God's faithful moving his people to realize their destiny in him. How exciting is it to be a witness of God leading his people to the Promised Land? Would not we all want to be able to see that for our selves? Right now? Where are you struggling or victorious in your life at the moment? Do you perceive God present and guiding you even as he is working all things in your life for his glory and your good?
Remember, with God there is no Plan B. His purpose all along was that Jesus would come, and through his obedience, become the true sacrifice to gain our salvation, and through his resurrection, give us the assurance of eternal life. God has no Plan B. That means there are no accidents, no mistakes, no surprises. Everything, as I referred to the passage in Hebrews the other night, is under his subjection; nothing is left outside his control. Everything happens as a result of God's perfect plan. He has no Plan B.
Numbers. The interesting thing is what you can do with numbers. It has been 108 days since my first visit to our family doctor with the pain in my side. It has been 94 days since the visit to the Fair Oaks Inova ER that produce the first CT scan. It has been 67 days since the colonoscopy that led to the diagnosis of rectal cancer, metastasized to the liver (and subsequently then found to be also on the L1 vertebra). It has been 45 days since I began chemotherapy. And I have 27 more days of chemo to go.
Since just before the beginning of chemo, I have had none of the pain in my side, I've had what I would characterize as annoyances of effects - nothing severe. The nurse who disconnected "Bob" (my companion chemo pump from Wednesdays through Friday) this past Friday said that to look at me you would not know I had cancer. My weight is holding steady, my blood counts, though down a little this past week, are still good, and I am able to work full days, minimizing the time I have to take off ( since I have so little having changed companies last October), and I can still function to go on a nearly four hour shopping excursion to the commissary with Cynth, unload the groceries after arriving home, work a little on Aaron's car, my Mustang, cut the back yard, clean the deck table and plant a Rhododendron. I will say that I am a bit tired now, but nothing like last night. Apparently Aaron and Cynth thought it great fun to see that I fell fast asleep watching some episodes of the BBC series "Life" last night at about 8:30.
Cynth, the family and I have been so richly blessed throughout the past 100 plus days. So many have been the blessings of phone calls, cards, Facebook posts (I am sorry to say I don't get on Facebook that often, but I do enjoy the notes I get), meals and the visits. And there have been so many offers to help, where needed. But you see, God has supplied all our needs, just as he did with Israel in the Book of Numbers. He was in their midst, and despite their disobedience, he still brought them (by the end of the book) to stand on the brink of entering the promised land, just as he said he would way back in Genesis12:7 when Abram(formerly) and Sarai were without a child.
And yet despite Abram's disregard for God's promise, his doubts, and seeking to protect himself independent of God, God still blessed Abraham and Sarah with a child, that then had two children, one which became the father of twelve tribes that soon enters the land promised by God to Abraham. Much happens along the way, just as in your journey now. At the time, it may seem like the passage of days. But trusting God and his promises means you never have to worry about a Plan B, and the days you are passing here in this life will one day become an eternity spent in the presence of God the Father, Jesus the Triumphant Son and the Holy Spirit - the Triune God, who will be glorified and praised forever and ever. Amen.
Pineapple Chicken Ala Schaeffer brought a taste of the South Pacific, and the chocolate cake fit the doctor's order.
I think of the Book of Numbers in God's word. My English Standard Version tells me that Numbers describes the gradual fulfillment of God's promises to Abraham the his descendants would be the people of God and have the land of Canaan. It further tells me that Numbers uses a travel story with various motifs throughout. Once upon a time, a Bible study we were part of in this very house before we purchased it (one fabulous God story) was based on the book "How to Read the Boring Parts of the Bible." One of those is the Book of Numbers. Now , it might be a little dusty from lack of reading , but Numbers is not all that boring, especially as it conveys God's faithful moving his people to realize their destiny in him. How exciting is it to be a witness of God leading his people to the Promised Land? Would not we all want to be able to see that for our selves? Right now? Where are you struggling or victorious in your life at the moment? Do you perceive God present and guiding you even as he is working all things in your life for his glory and your good?
Remember, with God there is no Plan B. His purpose all along was that Jesus would come, and through his obedience, become the true sacrifice to gain our salvation, and through his resurrection, give us the assurance of eternal life. God has no Plan B. That means there are no accidents, no mistakes, no surprises. Everything, as I referred to the passage in Hebrews the other night, is under his subjection; nothing is left outside his control. Everything happens as a result of God's perfect plan. He has no Plan B.
Numbers. The interesting thing is what you can do with numbers. It has been 108 days since my first visit to our family doctor with the pain in my side. It has been 94 days since the visit to the Fair Oaks Inova ER that produce the first CT scan. It has been 67 days since the colonoscopy that led to the diagnosis of rectal cancer, metastasized to the liver (and subsequently then found to be also on the L1 vertebra). It has been 45 days since I began chemotherapy. And I have 27 more days of chemo to go.
Since just before the beginning of chemo, I have had none of the pain in my side, I've had what I would characterize as annoyances of effects - nothing severe. The nurse who disconnected "Bob" (my companion chemo pump from Wednesdays through Friday) this past Friday said that to look at me you would not know I had cancer. My weight is holding steady, my blood counts, though down a little this past week, are still good, and I am able to work full days, minimizing the time I have to take off ( since I have so little having changed companies last October), and I can still function to go on a nearly four hour shopping excursion to the commissary with Cynth, unload the groceries after arriving home, work a little on Aaron's car, my Mustang, cut the back yard, clean the deck table and plant a Rhododendron. I will say that I am a bit tired now, but nothing like last night. Apparently Aaron and Cynth thought it great fun to see that I fell fast asleep watching some episodes of the BBC series "Life" last night at about 8:30.
Cynth, the family and I have been so richly blessed throughout the past 100 plus days. So many have been the blessings of phone calls, cards, Facebook posts (I am sorry to say I don't get on Facebook that often, but I do enjoy the notes I get), meals and the visits. And there have been so many offers to help, where needed. But you see, God has supplied all our needs, just as he did with Israel in the Book of Numbers. He was in their midst, and despite their disobedience, he still brought them (by the end of the book) to stand on the brink of entering the promised land, just as he said he would way back in Genesis12:7 when Abram(formerly) and Sarai were without a child.
And yet despite Abram's disregard for God's promise, his doubts, and seeking to protect himself independent of God, God still blessed Abraham and Sarah with a child, that then had two children, one which became the father of twelve tribes that soon enters the land promised by God to Abraham. Much happens along the way, just as in your journey now. At the time, it may seem like the passage of days. But trusting God and his promises means you never have to worry about a Plan B, and the days you are passing here in this life will one day become an eternity spent in the presence of God the Father, Jesus the Triumphant Son and the Holy Spirit - the Triune God, who will be glorified and praised forever and ever. Amen.
Pineapple Chicken Ala Schaeffer brought a taste of the South Pacific, and the chocolate cake fit the doctor's order.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
A Super Hero
We've just finished three days having all the kids home. Caleb (23 on September 14) has been in Newport News for the Summer working at Mitre sand loving every minute of it. If you get a chance check out his website (guicocoa.com) and if you have a child in college (with either an iPhone or an iPod Touch, be sure to check out his MyClasses and My GPA apps. Aaron (20 on August 4) has continued to work this summer, and looks forward to a bit longer break, taking this semester off from school. Rachael (14 this past February 19) is already ramping up for her first year Senior High. We are part of two homeschool co-ops that gives her plenty of work and she still has time to pursue dance, being part of the senior company of the Superne Dance Theater and the Joan Izzo Academy of Dance. Cynth, as I might have mentioned before, is getting ready for a new year of Mothers of Preschoolers mentoring, assistant Sunday School teacher to the toddlers, a brand new study in Bible Study Fellowship, and then there's taking very great care of me, while still taking care of our home and all the schedules.
Another 24 hour period after start of treatment with Noe nausea or other adverse side effects. A little more fatigue Wednesday afternoon, and today and my voice is already much more hoarse than in weeks past. The blood counts yesterday we'd not as high as the preceding treatment, burnout enough to get the fourth treatment and move us closed to the CT scan Monday morning. Cynth and I both have been asked how we can do this? How we can be seemingly so positive, upbeat, even happy? And occasionally? We've even been asked how it is we keep from crying.
We have had our moments, some have been individually, and some while we've been together, in the quite of night when the thoughts of what could be creep in. But those moments have been brief, very brief when measured against the three months since the diagnosis.
Do we still have periods, when is just the two of us that we talk about the upcoming scan, our prayers for really, really great news (like completely gone), but we do allow ourselves to acknowledge that God may indeed intend this for us for a much longer and possibly difficult time. I know I once thought my faith was pretty strong. But God has grown my faith beyond what I could have ever dreamed. He has shown me where I continue to hold tightly to my way, my idols, and he has proven faithful in his grace, mercy and forgiveness. And then I feel his cleansing power wash over me, followed by his gentle leading. And still, in all this experience past, present and future, God's way is perfect, his timing is always right, and his faithfulness is great.
What I still wonder about, is voiced best in the verse, "what is man that you are mindful of him? (Psalm 8:4, Hebrews 2:8). The Hebrews passage continues to say that God put everything in subjection to him, that he left nothing outside his control. What can this mean but that even our disobedience is under him, even to the point of restraining us until we go so far as to defy his calling us that then he begins to give us over to a "debased mind." (Romans 1) Especially as I consider how I have offended God, to know now his love and forgiveness is real in my heart. And through this episode, just as in other areas of our life: the period of anxiety that Cynthia walked through in 2000 into 2001, our struggles with moments of parenting difficult children, and our struggles learning to trust God in so many areas that had not seemed to be problems before.
For any yet not urged by God to seek him and repent, to turn to God and put Jesus in the center of your life as the only Lord of your life, I can only tell you to listen to me. See how god has given me. Voice for rejoicing over the work he has done in me. Might I yet have difficult days? You bet. In fact, if I didn't my doubting would likely be even greater, for God tells us that we will suffer. And it is precisely during these trials that God works in us the increasing and strengthening of our faith.
I am a fan of Batman. I remember nearly every from of the comic book of Batman given to me by a wonderful lady named Dot Mauldin after my dad's car accident in 1969. I think the reason I choose Batman is that he doesn't possess any supernatural power or strength. He does rely on technology and knowledge (and his wealth does not hinder him, either) but yet he crusades for justice and right, realizing he cannot do it own his own, working closely with his friends in the police department.
But we do have access to a super power. Christ Jesus is our perfect super hero. In Christ Jesus, we are made more than conquerors through him who loved us, and nothing can separate us from the love of God. Martin Luther provides an appropriate view on a Christian's view to life in this world and what may happen should Jesus tarry in his return:
A mighty fortress is our God,
a bulwark never failing;
our helper he amid the flood
of mortal ills prevaling.
For still our ancient foe
doth seek to work us woe;
his craft and power are great,
and armed with cruel hate,
on earth is not his equal.
Did we in our own strength confide,
our striving would be losing,
were not the right man on our side,
the man of God's own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is he;
Lord Sabaoth, his name,
from age to age the same,
and he must win the battle.
And though this world, with devils filled,
should threaten to undo us,
we will not fear, for God hath willed
his truth to triumph through us.
The Prince of Darkness grim,
we tremble not for him;
his rage we can endure,
for lo, his doom is sure;
one little word shall fell him.
That word above all earthly powers,
no thanks to them, abideth;
the Spirit and the gifts are ours,
thru him who with us sideth.
Let goods and kindred go,
this mortal life also;
the body they may kill;
God's truth abideth still;
his kingdom is forever.
This is how we have super power, strength not our own, wisdom from God, and peace like a river that attends our soul.
Chili au Maddox warmed our hearts and sated our appetite.
Another 24 hour period after start of treatment with Noe nausea or other adverse side effects. A little more fatigue Wednesday afternoon, and today and my voice is already much more hoarse than in weeks past. The blood counts yesterday we'd not as high as the preceding treatment, burnout enough to get the fourth treatment and move us closed to the CT scan Monday morning. Cynth and I both have been asked how we can do this? How we can be seemingly so positive, upbeat, even happy? And occasionally? We've even been asked how it is we keep from crying.
We have had our moments, some have been individually, and some while we've been together, in the quite of night when the thoughts of what could be creep in. But those moments have been brief, very brief when measured against the three months since the diagnosis.
Do we still have periods, when is just the two of us that we talk about the upcoming scan, our prayers for really, really great news (like completely gone), but we do allow ourselves to acknowledge that God may indeed intend this for us for a much longer and possibly difficult time. I know I once thought my faith was pretty strong. But God has grown my faith beyond what I could have ever dreamed. He has shown me where I continue to hold tightly to my way, my idols, and he has proven faithful in his grace, mercy and forgiveness. And then I feel his cleansing power wash over me, followed by his gentle leading. And still, in all this experience past, present and future, God's way is perfect, his timing is always right, and his faithfulness is great.
What I still wonder about, is voiced best in the verse, "what is man that you are mindful of him? (Psalm 8:4, Hebrews 2:8). The Hebrews passage continues to say that God put everything in subjection to him, that he left nothing outside his control. What can this mean but that even our disobedience is under him, even to the point of restraining us until we go so far as to defy his calling us that then he begins to give us over to a "debased mind." (Romans 1) Especially as I consider how I have offended God, to know now his love and forgiveness is real in my heart. And through this episode, just as in other areas of our life: the period of anxiety that Cynthia walked through in 2000 into 2001, our struggles with moments of parenting difficult children, and our struggles learning to trust God in so many areas that had not seemed to be problems before.
For any yet not urged by God to seek him and repent, to turn to God and put Jesus in the center of your life as the only Lord of your life, I can only tell you to listen to me. See how god has given me. Voice for rejoicing over the work he has done in me. Might I yet have difficult days? You bet. In fact, if I didn't my doubting would likely be even greater, for God tells us that we will suffer. And it is precisely during these trials that God works in us the increasing and strengthening of our faith.
I am a fan of Batman. I remember nearly every from of the comic book of Batman given to me by a wonderful lady named Dot Mauldin after my dad's car accident in 1969. I think the reason I choose Batman is that he doesn't possess any supernatural power or strength. He does rely on technology and knowledge (and his wealth does not hinder him, either) but yet he crusades for justice and right, realizing he cannot do it own his own, working closely with his friends in the police department.
But we do have access to a super power. Christ Jesus is our perfect super hero. In Christ Jesus, we are made more than conquerors through him who loved us, and nothing can separate us from the love of God. Martin Luther provides an appropriate view on a Christian's view to life in this world and what may happen should Jesus tarry in his return:
A mighty fortress is our God,
a bulwark never failing;
our helper he amid the flood
of mortal ills prevaling.
For still our ancient foe
doth seek to work us woe;
his craft and power are great,
and armed with cruel hate,
on earth is not his equal.
Did we in our own strength confide,
our striving would be losing,
were not the right man on our side,
the man of God's own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is he;
Lord Sabaoth, his name,
from age to age the same,
and he must win the battle.
And though this world, with devils filled,
should threaten to undo us,
we will not fear, for God hath willed
his truth to triumph through us.
The Prince of Darkness grim,
we tremble not for him;
his rage we can endure,
for lo, his doom is sure;
one little word shall fell him.
That word above all earthly powers,
no thanks to them, abideth;
the Spirit and the gifts are ours,
thru him who with us sideth.
Let goods and kindred go,
this mortal life also;
the body they may kill;
God's truth abideth still;
his kingdom is forever.
This is how we have super power, strength not our own, wisdom from God, and peace like a river that attends our soul.
Chili au Maddox warmed our hearts and sated our appetite.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Me and Keith Green
No, I never met Keith Green, but he was one of the first Christian recording artists I heard. Nineteen hundred eighty was one of many pivotal years in my life. Many of the events of that year continue to impact my life significantly. That was the year my mom re-married, I began college, and I was introduced to Christian music. I have so far hesitated to use the more common term of Contemporary Christian Music. Kerry Livgren, formerly of the 1970's progressive rock band Kansas, wrote in his autobiography Seeds of Change after his encounter with Christ and his conversion, that he did not want to make Contemporary Christian Music. Rather he wanted to make music that spoke of God's work of redemption. His view was that music is a gift of God, and like other gifts can be used for God or, being corrupted, for man.
I had heard groups before this time that sang songs with Christian lyrics that sounded like some of the popular secular groups of the day. But Keith Green was my first true exposure to overtly Christian pop or rock music. The song was So You Wanna Go Back To Egypt?, a treatment of the stories of the murmuring Israelites as they wandered the desert for their unfaithfulness.
Is not that familiar? How often is it that we go through a tough time, and we eventually turn to complaining, wistfully dreaming of the times when we had it easy? The Israelites had no past "experience" of a life of ease, having just come out of many years of slavery. They had just witnessed God's power in effecting their freedom from the Egyptians, yet they did not trust God, they were unfaithful, and sought to make their own gods. Then when God led them into the desert to teach them of his faithfulness and goodness, all they could do is complain.
We, each one also, long for that life of ease. But we will never be satisfied here, on this side of Eternity. The effect of the Fall so deeply corrupts that we will struggle against what should never have been, what is not supposed to be. We acknowledge we have offended God and injured others, yet we complain about the trial we are going through or we yearn for the time we remember that we had it "good." Do you really want to go back to Egypt?
Before my diagnosis, and I was experiencing pain and fatigue , my frustration was over what now was a new "normal." My old routine had passed and I now had to become accustomed to more rest, less activity. So you can see why the fatigue factor has been a huge part of this experience and my praises. I realized, thanks to many of you, but most importantly thanks to Cynthia, that this is yet more of the on-going change that God desires to work in each of us. Whether we realize it or not, we cannot ever go back, and even if we could, it would hold only disappointment and sadness. Obedience to God's call means to loose our grip on the way we want things to be, to relinquish control of the circumstances in our life, to trust and follow him who alone knows our sufferings because of his suffering.
The Bible describes Lot's wife turning to salt because she looked back, disobeying God as they escaped Sodom and Gomorrah. Yet God instructs the young nation of Israel to "remember" what God had brought them out of. Not a contradiction, but a difference in focus.
Do you really want to go back? Keep your eyes on Christ, the lord of the past, present and future. Even in the rough places, with Christ there is peace.
I had heard groups before this time that sang songs with Christian lyrics that sounded like some of the popular secular groups of the day. But Keith Green was my first true exposure to overtly Christian pop or rock music. The song was So You Wanna Go Back To Egypt?, a treatment of the stories of the murmuring Israelites as they wandered the desert for their unfaithfulness.
Is not that familiar? How often is it that we go through a tough time, and we eventually turn to complaining, wistfully dreaming of the times when we had it easy? The Israelites had no past "experience" of a life of ease, having just come out of many years of slavery. They had just witnessed God's power in effecting their freedom from the Egyptians, yet they did not trust God, they were unfaithful, and sought to make their own gods. Then when God led them into the desert to teach them of his faithfulness and goodness, all they could do is complain.
We, each one also, long for that life of ease. But we will never be satisfied here, on this side of Eternity. The effect of the Fall so deeply corrupts that we will struggle against what should never have been, what is not supposed to be. We acknowledge we have offended God and injured others, yet we complain about the trial we are going through or we yearn for the time we remember that we had it "good." Do you really want to go back to Egypt?
Before my diagnosis, and I was experiencing pain and fatigue , my frustration was over what now was a new "normal." My old routine had passed and I now had to become accustomed to more rest, less activity. So you can see why the fatigue factor has been a huge part of this experience and my praises. I realized, thanks to many of you, but most importantly thanks to Cynthia, that this is yet more of the on-going change that God desires to work in each of us. Whether we realize it or not, we cannot ever go back, and even if we could, it would hold only disappointment and sadness. Obedience to God's call means to loose our grip on the way we want things to be, to relinquish control of the circumstances in our life, to trust and follow him who alone knows our sufferings because of his suffering.
The Bible describes Lot's wife turning to salt because she looked back, disobeying God as they escaped Sodom and Gomorrah. Yet God instructs the young nation of Israel to "remember" what God had brought them out of. Not a contradiction, but a difference in focus.
Do you really want to go back? Keep your eyes on Christ, the lord of the past, present and future. Even in the rough places, with Christ there is peace.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Anxious? For What?
I can't believe how anxious I am for Wednesday. Anxious, not in the sense that I have anxiety about it. I am simply really ready to get this one underway. There is something comforting about going to the oncologist's office and going through the routine of the first day of the cycle. And I find I miss the pump . . . "Bob" in the manner of a security blanket. Maybe it has to do with the next big event of a follow-up CT scan on 23 August. Maybe I have grown accustomed to this pace (my apologies to Lerner and Lowe and My Fair Lady).
Regardless, I am anxious for Wednesday, even though I know I am to be "anxious for nothing." Once upon a time, I was pretty impatient. In today's culture of "instant" or "immediate" nearly everything, how is patience measured or even identified? What does it look like? More appropriately what is God's design for us?
Begin with trust. God wants us to trust him for all our needs, and he wants to hear the desires of our hearts. He delights in us, so we should be free to take to him whatever is on our heart. Our worries, fretting, anxious thoughts, doubt, fears, and our desires. What do we do with them? We leave them at his feet, meaning we no longer have them in our grasp, and they no longer have any hold on us. Trust in him.
Next, watch expectantly that God provides for our good and his glory that which we need. We have to be in prayer continually for discernment to see his provision. And remember that everything from God is good and perfect, a gift from his hands (loosely paraphrased).
To be anxious, to worry, to fear, is to take our eyes off of Jesus, and give in to the temptation that what is most dear to our heart is futile and at risk of being lost. Mostly, it is our illusion of control. And how much energy do we expend trying to hide this, to protect our "Precious?" Is it so hard to leave everything to the Triumphant Christ, who know what we need before we even ask?
I still struggle with this, but there is progress. Each day is a day to give over to God the parts of me that he wants to replace with himself. And I have experience his goodness, I know his promises are true. I have no cause for anxiousness.
Regardless, I am anxious for Wednesday, even though I know I am to be "anxious for nothing." Once upon a time, I was pretty impatient. In today's culture of "instant" or "immediate" nearly everything, how is patience measured or even identified? What does it look like? More appropriately what is God's design for us?
Begin with trust. God wants us to trust him for all our needs, and he wants to hear the desires of our hearts. He delights in us, so we should be free to take to him whatever is on our heart. Our worries, fretting, anxious thoughts, doubt, fears, and our desires. What do we do with them? We leave them at his feet, meaning we no longer have them in our grasp, and they no longer have any hold on us. Trust in him.
Next, watch expectantly that God provides for our good and his glory that which we need. We have to be in prayer continually for discernment to see his provision. And remember that everything from God is good and perfect, a gift from his hands (loosely paraphrased).
To be anxious, to worry, to fear, is to take our eyes off of Jesus, and give in to the temptation that what is most dear to our heart is futile and at risk of being lost. Mostly, it is our illusion of control. And how much energy do we expend trying to hide this, to protect our "Precious?" Is it so hard to leave everything to the Triumphant Christ, who know what we need before we even ask?
I still struggle with this, but there is progress. Each day is a day to give over to God the parts of me that he wants to replace with himself. And I have experience his goodness, I know his promises are true. I have no cause for anxiousness.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Gift?
We missed worship today. That is the most significant item I can report for today.
I've been a little fatigued the last few days, a dry cough has also developed, mostly as I eat, and I've also had a sore throat. All this in addition to what I reported last week. Still, God is good. He is ever faithful, even when I doubt and give in to my fears. I have not had one twinge of nausea, nor any of the other more dreadful side effects. How blessed I have been!
Aaron and I are two thirds of the way through the Peter Jackson film series Lord of the Rings, but today I watched "Lord of the Beans," the VeggieTales version of the story. The major difference seen between the two, other than the obvious, is the impact of the "object of the story" on the primary character as it is portrayed. In the Tolkien story, the ring Frodo carries becomes a heavy burden, even to the point of death. In the VeggieTale adaptation, the bean is a gift to the bearer. It may be possible to see the trials that Frodo and the rest of the Fellowship of the Ring endure as a gift, although it truly is a burden, for through the trials the bonds between the representatives of each different inhabitants of Middle Earth are made strong as their desire for right and truth grows stronger in the fight against the growing evil.
Similarly, and as Piper has written, all our trials are gifts. Opportunities for us to be what we are to be, always: light to a world in darkness. If we are not praying for God's will, for his kingdom, and if we are not showing forth his way, sharing his love and grace, if we are not bringing the light of his gospel to those in the darkness of sin, then why do we claim his name?
Remember, in our weakness - whatever we experience of this life that produces fear, doubt, anger - Christ is strong, having conquered these that tempt our heats to turn inward to our own abilities and efforts. He, the One God/Man conquered fear and death, once for all, just as by the one man sin entered the world. And we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us (read Romans 8:31-39.) As I've mentioned before - We win!
So, don't miss out on the riches God plans for you in your use of your particular "gifts" in being his light in this world that is so dark. Remember, you are just commanded to "be" light. Yes, this means you "do" things to live as a light-bearer, but the results belong to God. Live by faith, shine God's light by faith, and in faith trust that God uses what you are experiencing to produce his desire in you and through you for his glory.
On July 27 and again on August 8, I mentioned others who are continuing their battle with various illnesses and infirmities. I want to add a few others: Darrel, Cynthia (another), Mark (a co-worker's brother), and a co-worker's infant daughter. Please include in your prayers for these, as well as for my Cynth, our children, their friends and myself, that God would continue to work in our hearts and lives, that all of us would humbly submit to him and seek his face.
Don't wast your "gift."
I've been a little fatigued the last few days, a dry cough has also developed, mostly as I eat, and I've also had a sore throat. All this in addition to what I reported last week. Still, God is good. He is ever faithful, even when I doubt and give in to my fears. I have not had one twinge of nausea, nor any of the other more dreadful side effects. How blessed I have been!
Aaron and I are two thirds of the way through the Peter Jackson film series Lord of the Rings, but today I watched "Lord of the Beans," the VeggieTales version of the story. The major difference seen between the two, other than the obvious, is the impact of the "object of the story" on the primary character as it is portrayed. In the Tolkien story, the ring Frodo carries becomes a heavy burden, even to the point of death. In the VeggieTale adaptation, the bean is a gift to the bearer. It may be possible to see the trials that Frodo and the rest of the Fellowship of the Ring endure as a gift, although it truly is a burden, for through the trials the bonds between the representatives of each different inhabitants of Middle Earth are made strong as their desire for right and truth grows stronger in the fight against the growing evil.
Similarly, and as Piper has written, all our trials are gifts. Opportunities for us to be what we are to be, always: light to a world in darkness. If we are not praying for God's will, for his kingdom, and if we are not showing forth his way, sharing his love and grace, if we are not bringing the light of his gospel to those in the darkness of sin, then why do we claim his name?
Remember, in our weakness - whatever we experience of this life that produces fear, doubt, anger - Christ is strong, having conquered these that tempt our heats to turn inward to our own abilities and efforts. He, the One God/Man conquered fear and death, once for all, just as by the one man sin entered the world. And we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us (read Romans 8:31-39.) As I've mentioned before - We win!
So, don't miss out on the riches God plans for you in your use of your particular "gifts" in being his light in this world that is so dark. Remember, you are just commanded to "be" light. Yes, this means you "do" things to live as a light-bearer, but the results belong to God. Live by faith, shine God's light by faith, and in faith trust that God uses what you are experiencing to produce his desire in you and through you for his glory.
On July 27 and again on August 8, I mentioned others who are continuing their battle with various illnesses and infirmities. I want to add a few others: Darrel, Cynthia (another), Mark (a co-worker's brother), and a co-worker's infant daughter. Please include in your prayers for these, as well as for my Cynth, our children, their friends and myself, that God would continue to work in our hearts and lives, that all of us would humbly submit to him and seek his face.
Don't wast your "gift."
Friday, August 13, 2010
A Glimpse of Reality
A good friend pointed out to me that reading here you would get the idea that I am doing OK "if that was what I was trying to convey."
I can only explain how I am feeling and at this point, I am doing well. Meaning I really have been blessed and I have experienced only the mildest of effects. Some that I have not mentioned before: sore throat, sensitive mouth and randomly appearing red blotches on my face.
Probably the most significant impact in all this is not anything resulting from the chemotherapy. Rather, I am beginning to notice some increasing degree of irritability, not that I have any claim to the word "pleasant."
This though is just one more thing for me to give to God so he can work his Spirit into all of me Think of that . . . God the Father Almighty gave us his best when he took on human flesh and bone to live among us and announce his kingdom. He was obedient to submit to the demand of death that a price be paid for our rebellion. Yet all we can ever to take God is our troubles, our desires,and sometimes even our whining.
I have said before, God wants to tell him what is on our soul - he already knows anyway - but in the telling we begin to grow as his Spirit works in us to make us more and more like him. We see how horribly corrupt we are and how desperate we are for salvation. It's just that we can never fully understand the depths of our depravity, nor can we ever plumb the depths of God's love. So he gave us illustrations to help us glimpse the reality.
Although this parable used by Jesus is to ilustrate the urgency we should have toward the coming Kingdom of Heaven, the parable of the ten talents (Matthew 25:14-30, Luke 19:11-27) might also demonstrate how we relate to God, not from trust by faith, but from our flawed understanding of God, flawed because we are influenced by the sin in our heart. Our natural heart leaves no room for even a hint of God's kindness towards us without his work first to soften our heart toward him. And even after our faith, we still have doubt that God will act toward us kindly; receiving everything from him with a suspicious heart, just like the steward given one talent in the parable.
A glimpse of true reality - that is all we will have until we see him face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12). Are you up to taking all your frailty to Christ? Trust him. Let him take it, so you can receive his peace.
I can only explain how I am feeling and at this point, I am doing well. Meaning I really have been blessed and I have experienced only the mildest of effects. Some that I have not mentioned before: sore throat, sensitive mouth and randomly appearing red blotches on my face.
Probably the most significant impact in all this is not anything resulting from the chemotherapy. Rather, I am beginning to notice some increasing degree of irritability, not that I have any claim to the word "pleasant."
This though is just one more thing for me to give to God so he can work his Spirit into all of me Think of that . . . God the Father Almighty gave us his best when he took on human flesh and bone to live among us and announce his kingdom. He was obedient to submit to the demand of death that a price be paid for our rebellion. Yet all we can ever to take God is our troubles, our desires,and sometimes even our whining.
I have said before, God wants to tell him what is on our soul - he already knows anyway - but in the telling we begin to grow as his Spirit works in us to make us more and more like him. We see how horribly corrupt we are and how desperate we are for salvation. It's just that we can never fully understand the depths of our depravity, nor can we ever plumb the depths of God's love. So he gave us illustrations to help us glimpse the reality.
Although this parable used by Jesus is to ilustrate the urgency we should have toward the coming Kingdom of Heaven, the parable of the ten talents (Matthew 25:14-30, Luke 19:11-27) might also demonstrate how we relate to God, not from trust by faith, but from our flawed understanding of God, flawed because we are influenced by the sin in our heart. Our natural heart leaves no room for even a hint of God's kindness towards us without his work first to soften our heart toward him. And even after our faith, we still have doubt that God will act toward us kindly; receiving everything from him with a suspicious heart, just like the steward given one talent in the parable.
A glimpse of true reality - that is all we will have until we see him face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12). Are you up to taking all your frailty to Christ? Trust him. Let him take it, so you can receive his peace.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Straight Talk
From my days sitting the operations desk as a Second Lieutenant comes this phrase - "Nothing Significant To Report." But that really isn't true. If you been with me on this journey since early to mid July, you will remember that to me each day is significant, it is special and unique, a blessing from God. So I'll tell you that I continue to be blessed beyond belief (check out the song by Petra from about 1990 of that name). Fatigue has caught up with me, but only mildly. I did succomb to a nap yesterday afternoon. And Cynth's change to my diet has made a difference. Now, we're six days away from treatment number four, and the scans to follow the week after. So, what's this about straight talk? I want to try and plainly speak the gospel.
Jesus died for me and you.
He rose again from the dead, as is demonstrated by the empty tomb.
He lives and reigns right now from God the Father's right hand.
He is coming again, in power and glory.
And we who are His will be gathered to him to live with him forever.
It is all about Jesus. Even we were created, personally, individually, and (so the Bible says) uniquely and wonderfully for one purpose - to glorify God and enjoy him forever. But our sin keeps us bound in chains of death and slavery. We need Jesus and his finished work on the cross to set us free and enable us to be joined to him.
You might have many questions. Seek out someone who believes that you trust, and ask them to help guide you. Find a church that loves Christ and teaches the Bible as the Word of God. And if I can help you, I am God's servant for you.
May your days be blessed as mine are.
Jesus died for me and you.
He rose again from the dead, as is demonstrated by the empty tomb.
He lives and reigns right now from God the Father's right hand.
He is coming again, in power and glory.
And we who are His will be gathered to him to live with him forever.
It is all about Jesus. Even we were created, personally, individually, and (so the Bible says) uniquely and wonderfully for one purpose - to glorify God and enjoy him forever. But our sin keeps us bound in chains of death and slavery. We need Jesus and his finished work on the cross to set us free and enable us to be joined to him.
You might have many questions. Seek out someone who believes that you trust, and ask them to help guide you. Find a church that loves Christ and teaches the Bible as the Word of God. And if I can help you, I am God's servant for you.
May your days be blessed as mine are.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Change, Again
Seven days until Cynth and I begin the fourth round of treatment. She is constantly keeping on top of even the seemingly insignificant changes: intake, output, appearance, etc. We talk about three or four times during the day while I am working, and she reads me very well. While we have been tremendously blessed, having thus far experienced very little in the way of adverse side effects, we have had some (most earlier described here). And others that have come on the last few days appear to have been ameliorated through a slight change in diet. So change, change all 'round.
There is much that can be said of change. We experience change on all levels: physically, emotionally, environmentally, relationally . . . I won't attempt to exhaust the list. Change in perspective - that's the topic tonight.
Although there undoubtedly are differences between all of us in our perspectives, we are all more alike than we often care to admit. We do not yet have the "mind of Christ," and so we continually struggle to have the correct picture, more often than not, according to our own nature. Thus conflict is born. Perspective might be based in thought, but it's roots have their beginning in our soul. I think this way (not often, mind you): How would I approach the day if I truly had the mind of Christ? Before you look ahead, I do not have the answer for this. The closest I can get is those attitudes, behaviors, and desires that the Spirit identifies in me as garbage to be rid of.
How do we gain the mind of Christ? I will quickly admit i have no formal training, but i do have a few thoughts.
We must ask. Jesus told his disciples that they did not have because they did not ask. And though God wants us to bring to him the desires of our heart, we are taught to pray asking that "thy kingdom come, thy will be done." Paul, under the influence of the Spirit, teaches that we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice; that we are not to conform to the world, but rather we are to be transformed by the renewal of our mind. This extends to our union with Christ and our union with all believers in Christ.
This change will impact other areas of change, when you see, even though dimly, how God is using the things of life - even the bad stuff - to work his change in you.
You may have heard the phrase "glorious mess" to describe our condition here. Because of God's redemption plan, Christ's work to accomplish our salvation, and the Spirit's guiding presence, we have hope, assurance of our position before Holy God as adopted children, and our future share of his glory. At the same time, we continue to chaff against the mess of the broken world and our sin. We are not yet what will we be, but we are secure in Christ, because of what he has done.
Ask. Give yourself up. Allow the Spirit to transform you. Gain God's perspective.
There is much that can be said of change. We experience change on all levels: physically, emotionally, environmentally, relationally . . . I won't attempt to exhaust the list. Change in perspective - that's the topic tonight.
Although there undoubtedly are differences between all of us in our perspectives, we are all more alike than we often care to admit. We do not yet have the "mind of Christ," and so we continually struggle to have the correct picture, more often than not, according to our own nature. Thus conflict is born. Perspective might be based in thought, but it's roots have their beginning in our soul. I think this way (not often, mind you): How would I approach the day if I truly had the mind of Christ? Before you look ahead, I do not have the answer for this. The closest I can get is those attitudes, behaviors, and desires that the Spirit identifies in me as garbage to be rid of.
How do we gain the mind of Christ? I will quickly admit i have no formal training, but i do have a few thoughts.
We must ask. Jesus told his disciples that they did not have because they did not ask. And though God wants us to bring to him the desires of our heart, we are taught to pray asking that "thy kingdom come, thy will be done." Paul, under the influence of the Spirit, teaches that we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice; that we are not to conform to the world, but rather we are to be transformed by the renewal of our mind. This extends to our union with Christ and our union with all believers in Christ.
This change will impact other areas of change, when you see, even though dimly, how God is using the things of life - even the bad stuff - to work his change in you.
You may have heard the phrase "glorious mess" to describe our condition here. Because of God's redemption plan, Christ's work to accomplish our salvation, and the Spirit's guiding presence, we have hope, assurance of our position before Holy God as adopted children, and our future share of his glory. At the same time, we continue to chaff against the mess of the broken world and our sin. We are not yet what will we be, but we are secure in Christ, because of what he has done.
Ask. Give yourself up. Allow the Spirit to transform you. Gain God's perspective.
Monday, August 9, 2010
My Best Friend
You know that feeling when you finally get it? It might be something you read, or something someone says to you, but a concept or idea you've struggled to get your head around suddenly becomes a little clearer? Today I had one of those moments. Actually, I had a few moments like that today. But first . . .
Worship today was awesome (I am not surprised!). And the gospel message once again shone through like a beacon breaking down the darkness, and from a story that you wouldn't ordinarily associate with the gospel (2 Samuel 9).
After last night's round of spaghetti touched off a little heart burn, I have felt it most of the day today when eating. Hope this is not going to be ongoing. Otherwise, I feel good and I really have no complaints. How can I? God, through his people, has blessed us beyond belief over the last nearly three months. With so many praying, I know without any doubt that I am being lifted and blessed every day.
Throughout this blog, you no doubt have picked up on several themes, My faith first, I make no apologies. What I've written here concerning my spiritual health (struggles and triumphs) are the result of God working in me through these days. Second, that I have a close partner that is walking through this with me each step of the way.
Before Cynth and I became an item in college, we were good friends first. Our love grew out of that friendship, and the friendship and love have never stopped growing. I won't tell you we haven't had tough issues to deal with in 24+ years, but way back when we were talking of a life together, I knew I wanted to grow old with her. That meant that whatever we would face, we would face together, as one, and with Christ at the center. We haven't always kept the focus of Christ, but we knew we were his, that he had brought us together, and that meant we would submit to his authority in our life together.
She is my best friend. And she has taken on so much . . . I rely on her to be with me at the appointments so the right questions get asked. She usually drives for me wherever we're going, and she goes seemingly non-stop during the day, continuing to take care of the schedules, the finances, and generally running this crazy household. Yet, she gets tired, but she keeps on. I can see it, especially as night comes on. She has headaches (one at the moment that is persistently defying Tylenol and a rather big ice pack), but still she goes on. She keeps constant check on me, my temperature, my weight, and whether there are any new developments in the side effect arena. And she sleeps, and gets up with the day, and her work begins again.
Cynth lost her dad to cancer in December after a five-month battle. And though there is still grief, she knows that he is in the presence of our savior, and that we'll see him again. Cynth, her sister, and their mom are all doing well, even as they continue to miss Dad. God continues to comfort them and give them peace. Memories of the things he would say or do, the little individual things that made him who he was are brought back to mind with a laugh, and maybe sometimes a tear. But there is comfort in that.
And now, she is taking care of me. And school is around the corner. We homeschool Rachael by way of a couple of Homeschool Co-Ops, but the challenge now is to continue to press Rachael (entering 9th grade) for it all matters from here up. Rachael will be back to dance soon. Cynth has also signed up fro the new Bible Study Fellowship class starting in the Fall (Isaiah). And she'll be back at Mother's Of Preschoolers (MOPS) before long.
I am blessed above all to have Cynthia by my side. 24 years ago we were just two silly kids, leaving all our family behind and beginning our life in the Air Force, driving clear across the country to Sacramento, CA. Since that time, we have been many places, Cynth has spent a lot of time alone with one, then two kids (I was nearly finished flying when Rach was born). She dealt with limbs through the roof, two deployments, and countless flights, most of the time not knowing where exactly I was in the world.
We didn't get to this place by our own efforts. God continues to work in us hugely, to soften us, mold us, and draw us closer to him, and with him in the center of our life together, we are thus drawn closer together. As it should be. When Adam was created, he was alone. God was there, of course, but even he knew that Adam needed a relationship with someone like him. No suitable helper was found in all of the things God created, so he took a rib and made Woman to be a companion to Adam (Genesis 1-2). And God's design is that each one, the man and the woman, submit to God and to one another (Ephesians 5:22-31).
I have such a partner, companion, best friend. All glory to God for his wonderful provision. Thank you, Cynthia. I love you.
Worship today was awesome (I am not surprised!). And the gospel message once again shone through like a beacon breaking down the darkness, and from a story that you wouldn't ordinarily associate with the gospel (2 Samuel 9).
After last night's round of spaghetti touched off a little heart burn, I have felt it most of the day today when eating. Hope this is not going to be ongoing. Otherwise, I feel good and I really have no complaints. How can I? God, through his people, has blessed us beyond belief over the last nearly three months. With so many praying, I know without any doubt that I am being lifted and blessed every day.
Throughout this blog, you no doubt have picked up on several themes, My faith first, I make no apologies. What I've written here concerning my spiritual health (struggles and triumphs) are the result of God working in me through these days. Second, that I have a close partner that is walking through this with me each step of the way.
Before Cynth and I became an item in college, we were good friends first. Our love grew out of that friendship, and the friendship and love have never stopped growing. I won't tell you we haven't had tough issues to deal with in 24+ years, but way back when we were talking of a life together, I knew I wanted to grow old with her. That meant that whatever we would face, we would face together, as one, and with Christ at the center. We haven't always kept the focus of Christ, but we knew we were his, that he had brought us together, and that meant we would submit to his authority in our life together.
She is my best friend. And she has taken on so much . . . I rely on her to be with me at the appointments so the right questions get asked. She usually drives for me wherever we're going, and she goes seemingly non-stop during the day, continuing to take care of the schedules, the finances, and generally running this crazy household. Yet, she gets tired, but she keeps on. I can see it, especially as night comes on. She has headaches (one at the moment that is persistently defying Tylenol and a rather big ice pack), but still she goes on. She keeps constant check on me, my temperature, my weight, and whether there are any new developments in the side effect arena. And she sleeps, and gets up with the day, and her work begins again.
Cynth lost her dad to cancer in December after a five-month battle. And though there is still grief, she knows that he is in the presence of our savior, and that we'll see him again. Cynth, her sister, and their mom are all doing well, even as they continue to miss Dad. God continues to comfort them and give them peace. Memories of the things he would say or do, the little individual things that made him who he was are brought back to mind with a laugh, and maybe sometimes a tear. But there is comfort in that.
And now, she is taking care of me. And school is around the corner. We homeschool Rachael by way of a couple of Homeschool Co-Ops, but the challenge now is to continue to press Rachael (entering 9th grade) for it all matters from here up. Rachael will be back to dance soon. Cynth has also signed up fro the new Bible Study Fellowship class starting in the Fall (Isaiah). And she'll be back at Mother's Of Preschoolers (MOPS) before long.
I am blessed above all to have Cynthia by my side. 24 years ago we were just two silly kids, leaving all our family behind and beginning our life in the Air Force, driving clear across the country to Sacramento, CA. Since that time, we have been many places, Cynth has spent a lot of time alone with one, then two kids (I was nearly finished flying when Rach was born). She dealt with limbs through the roof, two deployments, and countless flights, most of the time not knowing where exactly I was in the world.
We didn't get to this place by our own efforts. God continues to work in us hugely, to soften us, mold us, and draw us closer to him, and with him in the center of our life together, we are thus drawn closer together. As it should be. When Adam was created, he was alone. God was there, of course, but even he knew that Adam needed a relationship with someone like him. No suitable helper was found in all of the things God created, so he took a rib and made Woman to be a companion to Adam (Genesis 1-2). And God's design is that each one, the man and the woman, submit to God and to one another (Ephesians 5:22-31).
I have such a partner, companion, best friend. All glory to God for his wonderful provision. Thank you, Cynthia. I love you.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Perserverance
Saturday, the last day for Decadron, and a pretty full day. I felt well enough to mow, and then later, as the evening came on, did just a little more work to straighten out washed out mulch and dirt from all the heavy rain the last few times. The only problem with that is that we slip pretty easy back into an old pattern.
During my service days, the only time we would have to work in our flower beds and lawn was on Saturday, since during the work week I routinely would get home near 7:45. Sometimes we could do a little, but it would always make for a late night. So, after I retired from the service, I have tried to hold to a more reasonable quitting time for Saturday chores. It seems I may have to re-focus on that goal.
Slipping back to old patterns . . . Brings to mind that we are in constant need of work. John records Jesus' teaching about our relationship to him and how we need care in John 15. He speaks of our ingrafting into him. He says we are the branches and he the true vine. He says the if we bear fruit, the vinedresser (God the Father) will "prune" us. We spend slot of time weeding. Most of our flower beds are mulched, but regardless, weeds abound. Cynth and I have commented on several instances that it is while weeding we have great conversations with God, usually about how he is "tending" to us, pruning and weeding us.
You see, if we are joined with Christ, united as a branch to it's vine, we should be blessings to the benefit of others and working to advance God's Kingdom. How often do we pray "Thy Kingdom come," or "Thy will be done," and yet I believe we do not fully comprehend what that means, really? Do we mean our perception of the good of God, his perfect will as long as it is advantageous in our sight. Or do we pray these phrases knowing that it just might mean facing slot we are detain cannot be if God is loving and good?
Sometimes we need more than a little light gardening. God says we need to be transformed by the renewal of our minds (Romans 12:2). Then we are enabled to discern what is the will of God, what is good, acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2)
This is not quick work. Life here whether a believer or as a non-believer is not, contrary to the way the world wants us to believe, a sprint, but rather it is a marathon. We persevere when we continue to seek to live out our life in union with Christ, allowing the Father to work on us to work our transformation, as the Holy Spirit works in us the renewing of our mind.
I am thankful for the tending I am experiencing. What else could I say this experience is, but yet another way God intends my transformation, a blessing to others, and a worker to advance God's Kingdom.
Perseverance is not easy, but it can be easier knowing to Whom you're joined.
Who is leading you?
During my service days, the only time we would have to work in our flower beds and lawn was on Saturday, since during the work week I routinely would get home near 7:45. Sometimes we could do a little, but it would always make for a late night. So, after I retired from the service, I have tried to hold to a more reasonable quitting time for Saturday chores. It seems I may have to re-focus on that goal.
Slipping back to old patterns . . . Brings to mind that we are in constant need of work. John records Jesus' teaching about our relationship to him and how we need care in John 15. He speaks of our ingrafting into him. He says we are the branches and he the true vine. He says the if we bear fruit, the vinedresser (God the Father) will "prune" us. We spend slot of time weeding. Most of our flower beds are mulched, but regardless, weeds abound. Cynth and I have commented on several instances that it is while weeding we have great conversations with God, usually about how he is "tending" to us, pruning and weeding us.
You see, if we are joined with Christ, united as a branch to it's vine, we should be blessings to the benefit of others and working to advance God's Kingdom. How often do we pray "Thy Kingdom come," or "Thy will be done," and yet I believe we do not fully comprehend what that means, really? Do we mean our perception of the good of God, his perfect will as long as it is advantageous in our sight. Or do we pray these phrases knowing that it just might mean facing slot we are detain cannot be if God is loving and good?
Sometimes we need more than a little light gardening. God says we need to be transformed by the renewal of our minds (Romans 12:2). Then we are enabled to discern what is the will of God, what is good, acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2)
This is not quick work. Life here whether a believer or as a non-believer is not, contrary to the way the world wants us to believe, a sprint, but rather it is a marathon. We persevere when we continue to seek to live out our life in union with Christ, allowing the Father to work on us to work our transformation, as the Holy Spirit works in us the renewing of our mind.
I am thankful for the tending I am experiencing. What else could I say this experience is, but yet another way God intends my transformation, a blessing to others, and a worker to advance God's Kingdom.
Perseverance is not easy, but it can be easier knowing to Whom you're joined.
Who is leading you?
Day 31 - One Month Done, Three More Treatments to Go
Another silly side effect . . . My voice is a little hoarse and raspy. I notice that it sounds funny to me, but then I try to sing along with my iPod ( quietly, mind you) in my office. Apparently, often not quiet enough judging by some of the comments I get from the peanut gallery. Oh well. But now I can't really sing in the range I am used to. We know why. You might remember that my chemo treatment begins with Aloxi by injection into my mediport, and Decadron as a drip. Both are anti-nausea, and if I remember right the sensation of the three foot thick tongue and the eye focusing trouble are effects of the Decadron. It is also now known that it also is contributing to the hoarseness and raspiness. I am assured that this effect will go away and my voice will return after I am off the Decadron. It is a good thing. I so enjoy trying to keep up with Ricky Skaggs on "Daniel Prayed," a nice bluegrass number that annoys my co-worker from Front Royal. Something to do, I guess.
Treatment #3 is done, and today after disconnect and leaving "Bob" again, I went back to work and was able to get a full day's work, despite the hour and fifteen minutes for the appointment. And what a blessing that is. To be able to continue working, to have the strength I need is truly God's work (Remember, He gives us what we need). In the weeks preceding the diagnosis, and for a few weeks just before treatment, I did not have anything left at the end of the day. Not so since a few days after the first treatment cycle. I am not running circles yet, but I do have strength I did not believe I would have. Praise God, his provisions are perfect.
I mentioned several people on July 27 that also needed lifting in prayer. I need to add one more. My supervisor's mom was to have surgery today on a spot on her lung. Please remember Doris Anne.
It is amazing to me how wide a circle of influence can grow through something like this. I have had more opportunity through this to share the hope that is within me than ever before. Or is it that I just didn't recognize the opportunities given me? I was reminded tonight that, even as I've said before, this cancer of mine has purpose - for me, for God, and for other around me (whomever God puts in my path). I may not ever see the effect on others around me. But I don't need that, for it is not about me. It is all about the God of reconciliation. He who is restoring his creation and his children to himself. How does that happen? A gentle call from him that softens your heart as you humbly acknowledge that you are hopelessly lost in sin, without hope for restoration save his loving gift of grace. It is his grace that bestows his favor on you, causing you to see his love and urging you to repent of your sin, turn to him and life anew as a new creation.
At that point it is often our natural inclination to believe that life is at once rosy, and full of good things. God never promised a life of ease following him. Really, he tells us that we will suffer - not from his hand, but from the effects of the Fall. Yet he uses these sufferings to produce endurance, character and hope (Romans 5:3-4). And not just any hope, but a hope that cannot be put to shame. It is a real hope, rooted in the sureties that what God has proclaimed, he will do in his time and according to his word.
We live be calendars, schedules, e-mail, and other rather constricting devices, if you really think about it. And all these are rather finite. The events of our lives are like those reduced to a thirty minute sitcom, filling up all the time we relish as spare or leisure. Not so with God's calendar. All along he has been working his plan of redemption until the day his Son, Messiah Jesus returns with glory and power to claim his bride, the church, and we go to be with him in Paradise. In the interim, we have simply to wait. And the waiting is hard, for this world is not what it should be, we are definitely what we were created to be, and so the evil of man continues to promulgate throughout our world, seemingly unchecked. We should not despair or fear, because God is on the throne, reigning even now in all power and majesty. And he is waiting, too. Waiting for the culmination of his purpose, what the Bible often calls the fullness of time.
For the immediate, I have a few more milestones: Round four in a week and a half, a follow up CT scan, and an appointment to review the results. Through all these, and the times in between, and after, regardless of the results - I can say with the Psalmist, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26. If you're one who doubts that God is at times unjust, please read the entire Psalm. I'll close with the last verse from this Psalm.
"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." Psalm 73:28
Excellent fare tonight with Watkins Chicken Fajitas.
Treatment #3 is done, and today after disconnect and leaving "Bob" again, I went back to work and was able to get a full day's work, despite the hour and fifteen minutes for the appointment. And what a blessing that is. To be able to continue working, to have the strength I need is truly God's work (Remember, He gives us what we need). In the weeks preceding the diagnosis, and for a few weeks just before treatment, I did not have anything left at the end of the day. Not so since a few days after the first treatment cycle. I am not running circles yet, but I do have strength I did not believe I would have. Praise God, his provisions are perfect.
I mentioned several people on July 27 that also needed lifting in prayer. I need to add one more. My supervisor's mom was to have surgery today on a spot on her lung. Please remember Doris Anne.
It is amazing to me how wide a circle of influence can grow through something like this. I have had more opportunity through this to share the hope that is within me than ever before. Or is it that I just didn't recognize the opportunities given me? I was reminded tonight that, even as I've said before, this cancer of mine has purpose - for me, for God, and for other around me (whomever God puts in my path). I may not ever see the effect on others around me. But I don't need that, for it is not about me. It is all about the God of reconciliation. He who is restoring his creation and his children to himself. How does that happen? A gentle call from him that softens your heart as you humbly acknowledge that you are hopelessly lost in sin, without hope for restoration save his loving gift of grace. It is his grace that bestows his favor on you, causing you to see his love and urging you to repent of your sin, turn to him and life anew as a new creation.
At that point it is often our natural inclination to believe that life is at once rosy, and full of good things. God never promised a life of ease following him. Really, he tells us that we will suffer - not from his hand, but from the effects of the Fall. Yet he uses these sufferings to produce endurance, character and hope (Romans 5:3-4). And not just any hope, but a hope that cannot be put to shame. It is a real hope, rooted in the sureties that what God has proclaimed, he will do in his time and according to his word.
We live be calendars, schedules, e-mail, and other rather constricting devices, if you really think about it. And all these are rather finite. The events of our lives are like those reduced to a thirty minute sitcom, filling up all the time we relish as spare or leisure. Not so with God's calendar. All along he has been working his plan of redemption until the day his Son, Messiah Jesus returns with glory and power to claim his bride, the church, and we go to be with him in Paradise. In the interim, we have simply to wait. And the waiting is hard, for this world is not what it should be, we are definitely what we were created to be, and so the evil of man continues to promulgate throughout our world, seemingly unchecked. We should not despair or fear, because God is on the throne, reigning even now in all power and majesty. And he is waiting, too. Waiting for the culmination of his purpose, what the Bible often calls the fullness of time.
For the immediate, I have a few more milestones: Round four in a week and a half, a follow up CT scan, and an appointment to review the results. Through all these, and the times in between, and after, regardless of the results - I can say with the Psalmist, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26. If you're one who doubts that God is at times unjust, please read the entire Psalm. I'll close with the last verse from this Psalm.
"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." Psalm 73:28
Excellent fare tonight with Watkins Chicken Fajitas.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Another Rainy Day (but not in New York City)
It occurred to me that many of you might be interested to see "Bob". Here are a few pictures.
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| The Face of Bob |
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| Bob's Back Showing the Cartridge that Delivers 98.6 ml of 5Fu over 48 hours |
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| Bob & Me |
Again, I want to apologize for continuing to mention the music of my life especially to those whom such ruminations might be tiresome now. But maybe I shouldn't. Whatever! Today's title is a take on the Chicago song from Chicago X.
Nice thunderstorms rolled through the little hamlet of Centreville, VA today, lasting nearly three hours or so with small respites between some huge cells.
Another good day. Yesterday's good news was the good blood counts which prompted the nurse to comment that my bone marrow is certainly working. And another twenty-four hour period with no diarrhea. Yippee! I did experience a little more "jello" legs during the day today. But all in all another great day, full of God's working in my life, reminding me of his presence, mercy, and love. His gospel is not ever far from my mind.
At the risk of leading you all to believe I am all about rock music,let me remind you I did mention Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade earlier. I haven't yet mentions my love of country, classical, bluegrass, smooth jazz, and many more. But tonight I must mention a good friend by the name of Robert who many years ago introduced me to P.O.D. (also known as Payable On Death). This San Diego based metal band mixes metal, reggae, and some softer stuff, all speaking to our social ills, cultural and moral decay, and many songs about our need for the redemption of Christ. On their album, when Angels and Serpents Dance includes a song entitled, Shine With Me. In it the singer is trying to convince the hearer that they should come shine with him like the beautiful star they are, that forever is not far away.
It's true. Heaven is not that far away. None of us knows when the hour may come. But what comfort that God chose us in him before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4), he knitted us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13), he knows the number of the hairs of our head (Matthew 10:30, and he has plans for us, plans for welfare, not for evil (Jeremiah 29:11). He knows the hour, and he tells us that now is the hour (Hosea 10:12) to seek the Lord. And he promises us that "Then you will call upon me and come and cry to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." ( Jeremiah 29:12,13). What hope. What assurance. What a guarantee.
How long will we struggle with disbelief? How long will we continue to serve the idols in our hearts? How long will God bear our disobedience?
He has promised that he will sprinkle clean water on you (Ezezkiel 36:25), and he will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19).
Do you hear God's call? Do you know his grace, mercy and peace? Have you allowed Christ to invade your life? I pray you will consider not only the verses I've used here, but also the context surrounding them and that God will move on you, and finally that you would be receptive.
Spaghetti au Bading with bon salad and the closer brownies a winner tonight.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Hearing God
Today "Bob" (see post of July 7) returned to my side. The hook-up is a little more uncomfortable this time, though I think I can stand it until Friday. I am just now returning from an evening at Dave and Buster's in Kensington, MD, where we celebrated Aaron turning 20. Great food, good games (an awesome flight simulator game by Sega (cost $6495 - I already looked it up) and a great time with Aaron. My blood cell counts were good today; a huge blessing because I feared that the white cell count would be too low to continue treatment this time. But God again is strong in my weakness, and he is still teaching me that I need not fear, but trust him for my good and his glory. A little fatigue before the celebration (my legs felt a little like jello, and Cynth said I looked a little pale) but by the time we got home, my color had returned and I feel OK, but ready to turn in.
I am sorry if my continuing story of the music in my life gets tiresome, but music has always been integral to my life, often to the consternation of some. In an earlier post I gave a bit of my musical journey ( not the band, although they too are a part of my "soundtrack.". I recently found an artist who with his brother formed an important part of progressive rock before accepting Christ and breaking with his former band to make progressive rock to tell not only his testimony, but various stories from the Bible and church history. It is one song on his CD entitled One that I want to share with you today.
In the song "Cradle to the Grave," Neal Morse as Adam is in conversation with Phil Keaggy as God, discussing the Child's (Man) broken relationship with God the Father resulting from the Fall:
Can you identify with the child in these lyrics? Do you hear God speak of his love for you like this?
Fortunately for us, these lyrics do not signal an end. Later songs on the album speak of the "Father of Forgiveness" and "Reunion" a three-part piece that includes "No Separation" and "Make Us One." God indeed is the Father of forgiveness, providing the Way, the Truth and the Life so that we could be redeemed and forgiven. Don't miss this point (or to borrow a phrase, "Look right here"): We need to hear God call to us, telling us of his love for us. We need to be reminded that his love for us cost him his Son, sentenced to death for our transgressions. We need to feel his presence with us, always, even in the hard places. We need this, because this life is hard. Consider, is it harder to trust that God is real, that Jesus died, was buried and rose again the victorious Messiah (Christ), or is it harder to reject God, and experience the withdrawal of the only true love there is?
Do you hear God speaking to you? What is he saying in the midst of the circumstances of your life? If any wants to discuss the gospel and you are not sure what to think about God and Jesus, you can leave comments, or e-mail me (jgdavenport@verizon.net). I don't presume to have all the answers, but I welcome the opportunity to talk with you about why I believe, and I may invite you to church (or suggest you find a good Bible teaching church near you, if you're out of my metro-Washington area). But please don't hesitate if you think you may want to talk this over. I look forward to it.
I am sorry if my continuing story of the music in my life gets tiresome, but music has always been integral to my life, often to the consternation of some. In an earlier post I gave a bit of my musical journey ( not the band, although they too are a part of my "soundtrack.". I recently found an artist who with his brother formed an important part of progressive rock before accepting Christ and breaking with his former band to make progressive rock to tell not only his testimony, but various stories from the Bible and church history. It is one song on his CD entitled One that I want to share with you today.
In the song "Cradle to the Grave," Neal Morse as Adam is in conversation with Phil Keaggy as God, discussing the Child's (Man) broken relationship with God the Father resulting from the Fall:
Sometimes I don't understand
Why I was born at all
When all that I do leaves me empty
Aching and longing for more
Sometimes I feel I could stand
Man, I feel like I'm ten feet tall
But then it's like I'm on trial and I'm guilty
I don't know exactly what for
How I wish
I could be relieved
Fall on God's doorstep
And be received
But it seems he doesn't
Care for me anymore
So I'll be on my way
Live from the cradle to the grave
On my own
Son you must understand
Why I would let you fall
It isn't because I don't love you
It's not that I want you to crawl
But the silence between us has grown
And your towers have grown so tall
"I let you choose; you have chosen"
You don't seem to want me at all
How I wish
To be reconciled
That you would just love me
With the heart of a child
But it seems you never
Want me around anymore
So you can have your way
Live from the cradle to the grave
Far from home
How I wish (Child how I love you)
I could be relieved (but you're so far away)
Fall on God's doorstep (Won't you come home to me?)
And be received (I will give you my robe)
But it seems he doesn't (Clothe you in linen)
Care for me anymore (Son I want you to stay)
So I'll be on my way (I'll set you free)
Live from the cradle to the grave (How I long to be home)
How I wish (I've been alone)
To be reconciled (so very long)
That you would just love me (with a heart made of stone)
With the heart of a child (Can you dry all the tears)
But it seems you never (I've held in my heart?)
Want me around anymore
So you can have your way (I'll be on my way)
Live from the cradle to the grave
Far from home
Can you identify with the child in these lyrics? Do you hear God speak of his love for you like this?
Fortunately for us, these lyrics do not signal an end. Later songs on the album speak of the "Father of Forgiveness" and "Reunion" a three-part piece that includes "No Separation" and "Make Us One." God indeed is the Father of forgiveness, providing the Way, the Truth and the Life so that we could be redeemed and forgiven. Don't miss this point (or to borrow a phrase, "Look right here"): We need to hear God call to us, telling us of his love for us. We need to be reminded that his love for us cost him his Son, sentenced to death for our transgressions. We need to feel his presence with us, always, even in the hard places. We need this, because this life is hard. Consider, is it harder to trust that God is real, that Jesus died, was buried and rose again the victorious Messiah (Christ), or is it harder to reject God, and experience the withdrawal of the only true love there is?
Do you hear God speaking to you? What is he saying in the midst of the circumstances of your life? If any wants to discuss the gospel and you are not sure what to think about God and Jesus, you can leave comments, or e-mail me (jgdavenport@verizon.net). I don't presume to have all the answers, but I welcome the opportunity to talk with you about why I believe, and I may invite you to church (or suggest you find a good Bible teaching church near you, if you're out of my metro-Washington area). But please don't hesitate if you think you may want to talk this over. I look forward to it.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
An Itch That Can't Be Scratched
We are getting ready for the return of Bob for three days and treatment number three.
From the beginning of this chapter of my life there have been various and sundry things that I've experienced. Some have been what I would call an irritant, such as dry mouth. Others started as irritants, but grew to be a major deal, like the pain that ultimately led to our diagnosis.
Every now and then, since I got my mediport, I have had a variety of sensations surrounding the port. Right after I got the port, it occasionally felt like it could fall out. Lately, I am experiencing an itch around the port. Since the medical staff had to shave the upper part of my chest (I didn't know whether to be flattered, or amused), it could be regrowth that is causing the itch. But the itch I felt today seemed to be under the skin.
I don't know why, but I avoid touching the skin over the port. If I do accidentally touch it, I feel funny. Regardless, it is an itch that I cannot scratch. When I was a kid, I would find it near impossible to refrain from scratching, for example mosquito bites, or after running through grass. As I got older, I would work on exercising restraint with varying degrees of success.
The disobedience that is sin creates a itch we cannot scratch. We try to scratch it, seeking possessions, work, other relationships and satisfying our own wants and desires in our weak effort to scratch that itch.
Think back to when you when a child. Remember a toy that was a kind of table, bench or platform with different shaped holes in it? Remember trying to put the shaped pegs into the right hole? Do you remember trying to put the square peg in the round hole? Of course, it will not fit no matter how much you tried to pound on it to make it fit.
We all have a God-sized hole in us. It can only be filled by God. We try to fill it with something else, anything else, tacitly saying to God, "I don't want you, I don't want you, God.". We put ourselves at the center of our lives and them try to squeeze all our idols in around us. And yet we remain the most unhappy, ungrateful, arrogant, uncaring, selfish, and self-serving (to name just a few) people ever. And when this is pointed out to us, we often are defensive.
When this chapter began, I knew that to be able to walk through it, I had to have people around to support me, but first I would have to follow Christ through this. Before we knew the diagnosis, I used a song by MercyMe to give voice to the waves of dread and despair thatwere beginning even then. Even now, I echo these words to remind me that God is with me:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
This is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole because it goes against our human nature, and it is so very hard. At the same time, though, it requires us to empty our selves of all the stuff that we've tried to use to fill the God-sized hole, and allow Him to fill it as only He can. When we do, we find He is faithful to provide, sustain and strengthen us. He even will take care of the itch we cannot scratch.
From the beginning of this chapter of my life there have been various and sundry things that I've experienced. Some have been what I would call an irritant, such as dry mouth. Others started as irritants, but grew to be a major deal, like the pain that ultimately led to our diagnosis.
Every now and then, since I got my mediport, I have had a variety of sensations surrounding the port. Right after I got the port, it occasionally felt like it could fall out. Lately, I am experiencing an itch around the port. Since the medical staff had to shave the upper part of my chest (I didn't know whether to be flattered, or amused), it could be regrowth that is causing the itch. But the itch I felt today seemed to be under the skin.
I don't know why, but I avoid touching the skin over the port. If I do accidentally touch it, I feel funny. Regardless, it is an itch that I cannot scratch. When I was a kid, I would find it near impossible to refrain from scratching, for example mosquito bites, or after running through grass. As I got older, I would work on exercising restraint with varying degrees of success.
The disobedience that is sin creates a itch we cannot scratch. We try to scratch it, seeking possessions, work, other relationships and satisfying our own wants and desires in our weak effort to scratch that itch.
Think back to when you when a child. Remember a toy that was a kind of table, bench or platform with different shaped holes in it? Remember trying to put the shaped pegs into the right hole? Do you remember trying to put the square peg in the round hole? Of course, it will not fit no matter how much you tried to pound on it to make it fit.
We all have a God-sized hole in us. It can only be filled by God. We try to fill it with something else, anything else, tacitly saying to God, "I don't want you, I don't want you, God.". We put ourselves at the center of our lives and them try to squeeze all our idols in around us. And yet we remain the most unhappy, ungrateful, arrogant, uncaring, selfish, and self-serving (to name just a few) people ever. And when this is pointed out to us, we often are defensive.
When this chapter began, I knew that to be able to walk through it, I had to have people around to support me, but first I would have to follow Christ through this. Before we knew the diagnosis, I used a song by MercyMe to give voice to the waves of dread and despair thatwere beginning even then. Even now, I echo these words to remind me that God is with me:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
This is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole because it goes against our human nature, and it is so very hard. At the same time, though, it requires us to empty our selves of all the stuff that we've tried to use to fill the God-sized hole, and allow Him to fill it as only He can. When we do, we find He is faithful to provide, sustain and strengthen us. He even will take care of the itch we cannot scratch.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Seasons
August is here, Fall is on the way, and 144 days of shopping left. OK, so I went a little far with that last one.
Ask Cynthia - I like all the seasons. At times, one more than the others, but all share a favorite position with me, during the year. Spring and Summer bring new growth, lengthening days and thunderstorms. Winter has crisp nights with a lonely moon hanging large in the sky, snow, and crackling fires. Fall - aah, the Fall brings brilliant color, cool evenings, lengthening shadows and football.
I remember a couple of occasions in my childhood of viewing a practice. Uncle Runt would take me to nearly every football game of the Easley High School Green Waves, that is until I began marching in the band. One afternoon, he took me to watch an early practice. It was August and the smell of the grass of that field still fills my mind with that memory. One day when I was much younger, my dad carried me to the back of the Clemson YMCA to watch the Clemson University Tiger Band. I thought them funny in there military style uniforms that looked British right down to the Bearskin style headgear.
But now, August is here, practices are beginning, and the season is coming. Every fan is expectant - hopeful of a great season (some even though hopes aren't high). There'll be Friday nights at the local High school game, Saturday's watching your favorite college game (around here we get hyped up for the Clemson games), and some even watch the teams on Sunday.
In this particular season of my life, I continue to be thankful that my days are good, I am continuing to work, and apart from some mild fatigue, life is kept fairly normal, even the hair thinning or whatever was happening over the last week has eased. God has placed me in this particular place, with these specific circumstances to His glory. God has heard all our prayers and blessed me with these good days. Now, as we prepare to begin treatment number three, I am asking God that my blood counts all be good, that I can continue on with the chemotherapy and that I will not have to supplement it with a shot to boost the white blood cells.
Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians chapter1, verse 5 calls on "the God of all comfort" and says, "For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."
I pray that the God of all comfort will comfort you and me as we take to him all our burdens and afflictions.
Ask Cynthia - I like all the seasons. At times, one more than the others, but all share a favorite position with me, during the year. Spring and Summer bring new growth, lengthening days and thunderstorms. Winter has crisp nights with a lonely moon hanging large in the sky, snow, and crackling fires. Fall - aah, the Fall brings brilliant color, cool evenings, lengthening shadows and football.
I remember a couple of occasions in my childhood of viewing a practice. Uncle Runt would take me to nearly every football game of the Easley High School Green Waves, that is until I began marching in the band. One afternoon, he took me to watch an early practice. It was August and the smell of the grass of that field still fills my mind with that memory. One day when I was much younger, my dad carried me to the back of the Clemson YMCA to watch the Clemson University Tiger Band. I thought them funny in there military style uniforms that looked British right down to the Bearskin style headgear.
But now, August is here, practices are beginning, and the season is coming. Every fan is expectant - hopeful of a great season (some even though hopes aren't high). There'll be Friday nights at the local High school game, Saturday's watching your favorite college game (around here we get hyped up for the Clemson games), and some even watch the teams on Sunday.
In this particular season of my life, I continue to be thankful that my days are good, I am continuing to work, and apart from some mild fatigue, life is kept fairly normal, even the hair thinning or whatever was happening over the last week has eased. God has placed me in this particular place, with these specific circumstances to His glory. God has heard all our prayers and blessed me with these good days. Now, as we prepare to begin treatment number three, I am asking God that my blood counts all be good, that I can continue on with the chemotherapy and that I will not have to supplement it with a shot to boost the white blood cells.
Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians chapter1, verse 5 calls on "the God of all comfort" and says, "For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."
I pray that the God of all comfort will comfort you and me as we take to him all our burdens and afflictions.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
What We Need
What a day! Great worship, a great message, and wonderful sacrament of communion. All the elements of worship today served to remind that God gives us what we need . . . even in the bad stuff. I don't mean that God gives us bad things - quite the contrary. In Matthew 7, Jesus is teaching his followers that they only need ask to receive from God the Father. In verses 9-11, Jesus teaches that since we who (contrasted with God) are evil know how to give good gifts to our children, then so much more will God the Father give good things to those who ask.
There are two issues that I believe cause our unbelief here. First is our understanding of good. Since the Fall, our perception of good is corrupted to mean only that which is pleasurable, to our benefit in health, wealth, or society. Secondly, we have a man-centered view of God. We understand (at some level) that we have to limit our desires (saying "no" to our children, for example) and we say it is for their good. Yet we cannot imagine that a God that is, according to his own revelation to us (his word), love - in fact, the source of love- would ever permit bad things.
Can you look at the events of your life, as I have,and say with me, that God has given to you (me) what we needed? Even in the disease I now carry, and the myriad possibilities for out come, God is meeting my every need. I don't know if I will ever be free of cancer, but God will continue to provide what I need. He may give more, but I will have what I need. In truth, God has already given me what I need. In Romans 5, Paul says, "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Did you get that? Even while we were alienated, separated, outcasts from God our creator, He loved us and provided the sacrifice (Christ) to die for us. Again, Paul says, "For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." We're no longer alienated, enemies, separated, or outcast. God provided just what we needed, in His time, and according to His will.
In 1978, Ric Ocasek and his new wave band, The Cars, released a song called "Just What I Needed." The song is ostensibly a one-sided talk with a girl. But the last line of the refrain puzzled me: "I needed someone to bleed." Well, we needed someone to bleed. We couldn't satisfy the debt of sin ourselves. The sacrifices established by God were never intended to save, but were to indicate the people's very deep need of God alone for their salvation. We needed someone to bleed.
The only way we could ever have a restored relationship with God the Father is through the payment of the debt owed to this Holy God because of our great injustice and disobedience to His law. From Genesis, blood was required as the covering of sin: Animals gave their skin to provide coverings for Adam and Eve's nakedness; God provided a lamb when He had prevented Abraham from sacrificing Issac; and blood covered the doorposts to indicate a house that the Lord was to "pass over" in Egypt during the last plague. And in the fullness of time, God provided the perfect sacrifice for you and me in Christ His Son, to die the death we deserved, satisfying God's wrath and setting us free from sin, so we are no longer slaves to sin. This has a lot of meaning , but one important meaning is, we who believe no longer have any need to fear. Anything. We who believe have all hope. All hope.
What is your deep need?
There are two issues that I believe cause our unbelief here. First is our understanding of good. Since the Fall, our perception of good is corrupted to mean only that which is pleasurable, to our benefit in health, wealth, or society. Secondly, we have a man-centered view of God. We understand (at some level) that we have to limit our desires (saying "no" to our children, for example) and we say it is for their good. Yet we cannot imagine that a God that is, according to his own revelation to us (his word), love - in fact, the source of love- would ever permit bad things.
Can you look at the events of your life, as I have,and say with me, that God has given to you (me) what we needed? Even in the disease I now carry, and the myriad possibilities for out come, God is meeting my every need. I don't know if I will ever be free of cancer, but God will continue to provide what I need. He may give more, but I will have what I need. In truth, God has already given me what I need. In Romans 5, Paul says, "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Did you get that? Even while we were alienated, separated, outcasts from God our creator, He loved us and provided the sacrifice (Christ) to die for us. Again, Paul says, "For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." We're no longer alienated, enemies, separated, or outcast. God provided just what we needed, in His time, and according to His will.
In 1978, Ric Ocasek and his new wave band, The Cars, released a song called "Just What I Needed." The song is ostensibly a one-sided talk with a girl. But the last line of the refrain puzzled me: "I needed someone to bleed." Well, we needed someone to bleed. We couldn't satisfy the debt of sin ourselves. The sacrifices established by God were never intended to save, but were to indicate the people's very deep need of God alone for their salvation. We needed someone to bleed.
The only way we could ever have a restored relationship with God the Father is through the payment of the debt owed to this Holy God because of our great injustice and disobedience to His law. From Genesis, blood was required as the covering of sin: Animals gave their skin to provide coverings for Adam and Eve's nakedness; God provided a lamb when He had prevented Abraham from sacrificing Issac; and blood covered the doorposts to indicate a house that the Lord was to "pass over" in Egypt during the last plague. And in the fullness of time, God provided the perfect sacrifice for you and me in Christ His Son, to die the death we deserved, satisfying God's wrath and setting us free from sin, so we are no longer slaves to sin. This has a lot of meaning , but one important meaning is, we who believe no longer have any need to fear. Anything. We who believe have all hope. All hope.
What is your deep need?
Faith? Everyone?
God is faithful. Always.
I was reminded earlier this evening that we all have faith. The question really, is who (or what) is the object of your faith? Each of us believes in something. Those beliefs inform our view of life, the world around us and our experience in it. Consider your reaction to the news of the day, or better, your response to personal news? We are elated, joyful over the good news we hear. And news of tragedy or pending ill fills us with dread, sadness, fear, and an often overwhelming sense of helplessness.
When we spend energy to make our own way, figure out an answer to the bad we experience, even to devise our own fix, we have put faith in ourselves. We are very accomplished. Capable in so many ways. Yet, we can never solve the ultimate problem. Think of this: with all our ability to provide for our needs as well as our wants, why do we always have to have more? If we are so good at fixing things, why is it that we still have so many problems with things not working as they should, not to mention the evil that continues to spread. Why do we have, still deep within, a longing that is never satisfied?
We fool ourselves that another promotion, another house, another car, another job, another relationship, or another something will complete us. We reason that if we eat the right foods, exercise, pray the right prayers, meditate, get into yoga, or live according to this teaching or that teaching that our life will be full. But the world cannot explain why the wrong in this world continues. Nor can it explain what happens in the end. To be sure, all faith systems have an end story, but does it satisfy? Or is it simply an answer to the question?
I can testify that God is real, for one day 41 years ago, in the midst of heartbreaking questions "Why?" God softened my heart. It wasn't an instantaneous act, but a process that spanned several months aided by a diminutive pastor named Brock who took time to try to explain the gospel, and in a manner, grace. The years that followed were filled with attempts to live, by my will, rightly and somehow be worthy. Even my attempts to witness ended miserably. I didn't get that my salvation did not depend on me and my living right. Actually, what I learned was the more I tried to live like I thought God wanted me to live,the more I failed. I finally was confronted with the faith systems I was really living by. The most prevalent and insidious one is me. Myself. And it is the most difficult to de-throne.
I still don't have all the answers, but I know the One who does. And He love you and me so much that He has given us His Word by which we can learn of Him. His word tells us who we are, and the how and why we are here. It tells us why there is evil, and what God is doing to reconcile everything to Himself. And through His Word we are brought to faith in Christ, and are sanctified (made perfect, over time, that is).
A personal, intimate relationship. That is the essence of Christianity. We all, each one, every one long for, desire a deep, intimate personal relationship. But even as close as you might be to your spouse or significant other, that relationship does not satisfy your deep longing - the void that exists because of our sin that separates us from God who created us to have relationship as His adopted children, with Him. What other faith calls you into such a relationship?
It's been 41 years since I first confessed Christ, and each year of those 41 years has been filled with my idols and sin and growth in Christ for He has not left me alone. And even now, I am frustrated, hurt and angry over a relationship that does not work because of the behaviors of the other party (and my own as well). But I know God is working there too, softening me and giving me peace about the loss and grace to be able to respond as I should. I pray He is working on the other party.
Looking forward to worshipping with the church universal tomorrow. It is always a picture of heaven.
I was reminded earlier this evening that we all have faith. The question really, is who (or what) is the object of your faith? Each of us believes in something. Those beliefs inform our view of life, the world around us and our experience in it. Consider your reaction to the news of the day, or better, your response to personal news? We are elated, joyful over the good news we hear. And news of tragedy or pending ill fills us with dread, sadness, fear, and an often overwhelming sense of helplessness.
When we spend energy to make our own way, figure out an answer to the bad we experience, even to devise our own fix, we have put faith in ourselves. We are very accomplished. Capable in so many ways. Yet, we can never solve the ultimate problem. Think of this: with all our ability to provide for our needs as well as our wants, why do we always have to have more? If we are so good at fixing things, why is it that we still have so many problems with things not working as they should, not to mention the evil that continues to spread. Why do we have, still deep within, a longing that is never satisfied?
We fool ourselves that another promotion, another house, another car, another job, another relationship, or another something will complete us. We reason that if we eat the right foods, exercise, pray the right prayers, meditate, get into yoga, or live according to this teaching or that teaching that our life will be full. But the world cannot explain why the wrong in this world continues. Nor can it explain what happens in the end. To be sure, all faith systems have an end story, but does it satisfy? Or is it simply an answer to the question?
I can testify that God is real, for one day 41 years ago, in the midst of heartbreaking questions "Why?" God softened my heart. It wasn't an instantaneous act, but a process that spanned several months aided by a diminutive pastor named Brock who took time to try to explain the gospel, and in a manner, grace. The years that followed were filled with attempts to live, by my will, rightly and somehow be worthy. Even my attempts to witness ended miserably. I didn't get that my salvation did not depend on me and my living right. Actually, what I learned was the more I tried to live like I thought God wanted me to live,the more I failed. I finally was confronted with the faith systems I was really living by. The most prevalent and insidious one is me. Myself. And it is the most difficult to de-throne.
I still don't have all the answers, but I know the One who does. And He love you and me so much that He has given us His Word by which we can learn of Him. His word tells us who we are, and the how and why we are here. It tells us why there is evil, and what God is doing to reconcile everything to Himself. And through His Word we are brought to faith in Christ, and are sanctified (made perfect, over time, that is).
A personal, intimate relationship. That is the essence of Christianity. We all, each one, every one long for, desire a deep, intimate personal relationship. But even as close as you might be to your spouse or significant other, that relationship does not satisfy your deep longing - the void that exists because of our sin that separates us from God who created us to have relationship as His adopted children, with Him. What other faith calls you into such a relationship?
It's been 41 years since I first confessed Christ, and each year of those 41 years has been filled with my idols and sin and growth in Christ for He has not left me alone. And even now, I am frustrated, hurt and angry over a relationship that does not work because of the behaviors of the other party (and my own as well). But I know God is working there too, softening me and giving me peace about the loss and grace to be able to respond as I should. I pray He is working on the other party.
Looking forward to worshipping with the church universal tomorrow. It is always a picture of heaven.
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