Since today was the first Sunday in Advent, we commenced what has been a tradition in our family since around 1994 or 1995. It was around that time that Cynth and I purchased a book of Advent readings, one for each Sunday in Advent following a specific theme relating to the candles of the Advent wreath, and one for each day between the Sundays, each focusing on a particular part of redemption. Our children have enjoyed the readings, even after hearing them so often. We've only missed this on a few occasions, most recently last year when Cynth's dad was sick.
This year, we began not with the book we bought so many years ago, but with readings developed by a good friend. His resource is A Covenantal Lectionary. At the beginning of the booklet, he discussed the real need we have to observe Christmas rightly, looking back at its origins in the second and third centuries AD, the heresies that led to the observance of Advent and Christmas, and an admonishment to think on the significance of Christ's First Advent in expectation of his Second Advent. Tonight, this provided a wonderful beginning to Advent, reminding us again that God made the promise to Adam, to Abraham, to Judah and to the nation of Israel for God's deliverer.
Isaiah said that "those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them a light has shined." Jesus said "I am the light of the world." And we are to be light to the world, but we cannot - of ourselves - be light. God alone brings light to pierce the darkness of our souls, and he dwells within, pushing the darkness out and filling us with his marvelous light. Then we can be that light that Jesus said we are to be in Matthew, chapter 5.
A wonderful day today at worship. Reconnected with many whom I have missed since being away. God continues to bless me with good days, though I still get tired and I have been experiencing a few more odd little things (leg/feet cramps at night, dry mouth, sweats, and now a little bit of difficulty with my hands getting numb and sometimes cramping also). Just irritants, but otherwise I have no cause to complain. I believe that God is working in me to his purpose, and for that I am grateful. As Paul wrote in his Second Epistle to the Corinthians, "If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer."
I encourage you, if you do not already do so, to begin an observance of these days leading to Christmas, so that the truth of the coming of God to earth as a man will radically change your understanding of this gift.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Celebrations
I have been well over the Thanksgiving holiday. Fatigue right after the last treatment the continued into Wednesday gave way over the last four days. Other physical things I am experiencing have been super mild, while still being an irritant. We have a scan on Monday that we hope will show some significant reduction of the cancer all over. I would especially like to see that the liver masses have decreased, and that the L1 mass is almost healed if not completely.
Tomorrow we are looking forward to celebrating Christ, as we do through worship. Earlier this week, Cynth had said, as she has said before, "We have so much to be thankful for." She went on to comment that thankfulness is often an afterthought. She acknowledged that each day begins in thankfulness to our God and Savior for his bountiful goodness and blessings poured out on us each day. And together we praise God for the manifold blessings we have received through him during this chapter. So each day is made a day of celebration of the God who loves us and his Son who justifies us and the Spirit who sanctifies us.
We celebrate God for all that he has done. From before creation (we have a glimpse of his eternal existence throughout his word) and continuing, God works to have relationship with his creatures - us - and so his word demonstrates his love, our great need and his provision. We always ought to celebrate (not in any particular order) his wisdom, his infinitude, his faithfulness, his sovereignty, his holiness, his trinity, his omniscience, his love, his omnipotence, his self-sufficiency, his self-existence, his justice, his immutability, his eternal being, his mercy, his omnipresence, his goodness and his graciousness. A look over this list should be quite enough to demonstrate how completely other we are from God.
Tonight celebrated the birthday of a friend. You all have been praying for Alan. Please continue. He turned fifty this week, and he is battling cancer. I first met Alan years ago when we joined a church after moving to northern Virginia in 1998. Alan led our music, and one song reminds me of Alan whenever I hear it: "God is Good , All the Time." The words follow:
Chorus:
God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time
If you're walking through the valley
And there are shadows all around
Do not fear, He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
'Cause He's promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you and His Word is true
Chorus
We were sinners - so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
Filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
That His love is everlasting
And His mercies - they will never end
Chorus
Lord I may not understand
All the plans He left for me
My life is in your hands
And through the eyes of Him I can clearly see
Chorus
Tonight, Alan expressed thanks for so many friends that had gathered to celebrate this birthday with him. In his remarks, he mentioned an oft used phrase about choosing friends. But he quickly commented that God is the conspicuous arranger of our relationships, constructing the when, where, how and who of our friends, just as I believe he ordered our steps to be with the doctor team we are with now, and just as I am confident that he is working all things for his glory, the benefit of those who need encouragement and/or salvation, and our growth.
Happy First Sunday of Advent. May your day of worship tomorrow be filled with praise for who God is as he has revealed himself to be in his word, and a provision of his love, mercy and peace.
Tomorrow we are looking forward to celebrating Christ, as we do through worship. Earlier this week, Cynth had said, as she has said before, "We have so much to be thankful for." She went on to comment that thankfulness is often an afterthought. She acknowledged that each day begins in thankfulness to our God and Savior for his bountiful goodness and blessings poured out on us each day. And together we praise God for the manifold blessings we have received through him during this chapter. So each day is made a day of celebration of the God who loves us and his Son who justifies us and the Spirit who sanctifies us.
We celebrate God for all that he has done. From before creation (we have a glimpse of his eternal existence throughout his word) and continuing, God works to have relationship with his creatures - us - and so his word demonstrates his love, our great need and his provision. We always ought to celebrate (not in any particular order) his wisdom, his infinitude, his faithfulness, his sovereignty, his holiness, his trinity, his omniscience, his love, his omnipotence, his self-sufficiency, his self-existence, his justice, his immutability, his eternal being, his mercy, his omnipresence, his goodness and his graciousness. A look over this list should be quite enough to demonstrate how completely other we are from God.
Tonight celebrated the birthday of a friend. You all have been praying for Alan. Please continue. He turned fifty this week, and he is battling cancer. I first met Alan years ago when we joined a church after moving to northern Virginia in 1998. Alan led our music, and one song reminds me of Alan whenever I hear it: "God is Good , All the Time." The words follow:
Chorus:
God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time
If you're walking through the valley
And there are shadows all around
Do not fear, He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
'Cause He's promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you and His Word is true
Chorus
We were sinners - so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
Filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
That His love is everlasting
And His mercies - they will never end
Chorus
Lord I may not understand
All the plans He left for me
My life is in your hands
And through the eyes of Him I can clearly see
Chorus
Tonight, Alan expressed thanks for so many friends that had gathered to celebrate this birthday with him. In his remarks, he mentioned an oft used phrase about choosing friends. But he quickly commented that God is the conspicuous arranger of our relationships, constructing the when, where, how and who of our friends, just as I believe he ordered our steps to be with the doctor team we are with now, and just as I am confident that he is working all things for his glory, the benefit of those who need encouragement and/or salvation, and our growth.
Happy First Sunday of Advent. May your day of worship tomorrow be filled with praise for who God is as he has revealed himself to be in his word, and a provision of his love, mercy and peace.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Me and Charlie Brown
You might remember (I just cannot remember if I told you) that a few weeks back I paid a visit to the ER that indicated possible sinus infection and also some possible abscesses between the lower sinuses and the root of a few teeth. Well, a root canal today to take care of the one abscess went very well and things "look good," according to my dentist, the good Mr. Dr. Fischer (his wife is also a DDS). And apart from the shot that deadened the right side of my nose, this too has proven to be uneventful.
I have enjoyed watching the moon of late. Here in NOVA (northern Virginia), over the last few days as the moon approached full phase, there have been beautiful, light, whispy clouds passing by, providing a wonderful canvas for the moon to paint its reflection onto. This time of year with the approaching holidays, and the sky looking as it does, I am reminded of two Peanuts specials: "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," and "A Charlie Brown Christmas."
These two holiday specials I have neglected for a number of years. I always enjoyed them as a child . . . I still do, I've just not been faithful to watch them every year. My first memory of the Christmas special was around the time I was five or six. My dad's company gave a Christmas party for the families, but I was sick, and so Mom and I stayed home and watched the Peanuts Christmas special and "The Little Drummer Boy" in claymation.
These specials, likely more than any other, helped focus me as a child on the greatest announcement ever uttered: "And the angel said to them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!'" I always liked Linus' soliloquy in the special.
And I liked the music. Vince Guaraldi Is the artist behind those great jazz tunes like "Christmas Time is Here," "O Tannenbaum," "Skating," and "Linus and Lucy." my own elementary school experience is tied to these songs so that I am always taken back to my fourth grade class whenever these songs play. It is a certain innocence that is conveyed by these songs in contrast to the kid smarts of the Peanuts gang that I find appealing. But I digress.
Life . . . all of life, really does come down to the announcement from Luke's gospel above and what you do with him. There is no more important question than this, for our response leads to either our eternal death or it leads to our eternal life in him. Believing on him does not immediately result in the easy life. But belief in him leads us in his way - the way marked by suffering, and eased by his grace and mercy as we confidently call on him for strength and peace.
I pray asking God to move in you to experience his Advent this season fresh as you open your heart to him.
I have enjoyed watching the moon of late. Here in NOVA (northern Virginia), over the last few days as the moon approached full phase, there have been beautiful, light, whispy clouds passing by, providing a wonderful canvas for the moon to paint its reflection onto. This time of year with the approaching holidays, and the sky looking as it does, I am reminded of two Peanuts specials: "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," and "A Charlie Brown Christmas."
These two holiday specials I have neglected for a number of years. I always enjoyed them as a child . . . I still do, I've just not been faithful to watch them every year. My first memory of the Christmas special was around the time I was five or six. My dad's company gave a Christmas party for the families, but I was sick, and so Mom and I stayed home and watched the Peanuts Christmas special and "The Little Drummer Boy" in claymation.
These specials, likely more than any other, helped focus me as a child on the greatest announcement ever uttered: "And the angel said to them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!'" I always liked Linus' soliloquy in the special.
And I liked the music. Vince Guaraldi Is the artist behind those great jazz tunes like "Christmas Time is Here," "O Tannenbaum," "Skating," and "Linus and Lucy." my own elementary school experience is tied to these songs so that I am always taken back to my fourth grade class whenever these songs play. It is a certain innocence that is conveyed by these songs in contrast to the kid smarts of the Peanuts gang that I find appealing. But I digress.
Life . . . all of life, really does come down to the announcement from Luke's gospel above and what you do with him. There is no more important question than this, for our response leads to either our eternal death or it leads to our eternal life in him. Believing on him does not immediately result in the easy life. But belief in him leads us in his way - the way marked by suffering, and eased by his grace and mercy as we confidently call on him for strength and peace.
I pray asking God to move in you to experience his Advent this season fresh as you open your heart to him.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
A (Somewhat) Quiet Night . . .
. . . after the Joan Izzo Academy of Dance production of "Kingdom of Sweets" and "Holiday Rhythms." The girls all did very well to put together this difficult show within the short time available. It is such a joy to see these girls who have know each other for a long time work so hard to put on such a show, and on the academy's stated foundation of dancing as a testimony of God's lordship.
We missed worship today. Cynthia was under the weather earlier and after last night several of us (Mom, Bob, Katie Beth, Abby, and Rachael) were tired after such a long day yesterday. Looking forward to a three day work week. I enjoy working, but I look forward to the holidays, too. I think it has to do with the need for rest, as God intends.
And it is not such a quiet night at the moment. For now, Grandmom is learning to play Parcheesi, so it is a little noisy with three youngsters trying to talk all at once to explain the moves. This after Katie Beth and Abby have been as quiet as mice since arriving from GA yesterday, following their cousin Rachael around the house. Maybe they are warming up to being here. It is, though, a wonderful sound - the giggling and chatter - all the cute things they say.
Not like the night our Lord was born in a stable, but there are similarities. Imagine all the travelers who had arrived in Bethlehem to be taxed at the command of Caesar. This multitude crowding the hamlet, filling every possible vacancy. Many were likely hungry, looking for sustenance, possibly lending to a mildly festive atmosphere despite the reason for their journey. There may have been some reunions, re-acquaintances with old family and friends, even making new friends. And there surely must have been the local Roman garrison there to ensure that the proceedings went smoothly. Into this "chaos" comes the Sovereign King of all order as a little baby.
His first coming was so that all prophecy would be fulfilled in him as fully man, subject to the same life that those be came to live among were accustomed to. And through every step he took, he was preparing for his purpose - to live in perfect submission to God the Father the life we were meant to live but failed at when Adam sinned, plunging us all into servitude to our sinful (because they are devoid of God's law) desires. And he came to die, offering himself up at the appointed time to suffer the humiliation and rejection of those whom he loved, and the wrath of God necessary to satisfy God's justice on our behalf, so we might have salvation, and eternal life through God's power of raising Jesus from the dead for all who believe.
It may not be a quiet night wherever you are, but into the quietness of your heart, where troubles offer only disquiet, despair, frustration, anger and fear, God comes asking to come in to show his mercy, by his grace, in his love to give you the peace of reconciliation to himself, freeing you to a new life in him, to his great glory.
I implore you to fully engage in this season of the church called Advent as we concentrate on the meaning of his first coming. As you do, continue to lift up God's church and those I have mentioned here before who would appreciate your prayers for their present circumstances. Please add to this list the mother of a dear friend. Dolores is to have a unique surgery that is risky from the proximity of blood vessels and nerves that act on the face and eyes. The surgery is to remove a mass that has begun to grow on her left temple and will be done on November 30. Please lift up Dolores and her husband who is concerned about this, but trusting God through it all.
And I pray for you, for increasing strength and peace as the holiday season approaches, and that you might experience Christ's coming with a renewed excitement and wonder.
We missed worship today. Cynthia was under the weather earlier and after last night several of us (Mom, Bob, Katie Beth, Abby, and Rachael) were tired after such a long day yesterday. Looking forward to a three day work week. I enjoy working, but I look forward to the holidays, too. I think it has to do with the need for rest, as God intends.
And it is not such a quiet night at the moment. For now, Grandmom is learning to play Parcheesi, so it is a little noisy with three youngsters trying to talk all at once to explain the moves. This after Katie Beth and Abby have been as quiet as mice since arriving from GA yesterday, following their cousin Rachael around the house. Maybe they are warming up to being here. It is, though, a wonderful sound - the giggling and chatter - all the cute things they say.
Not like the night our Lord was born in a stable, but there are similarities. Imagine all the travelers who had arrived in Bethlehem to be taxed at the command of Caesar. This multitude crowding the hamlet, filling every possible vacancy. Many were likely hungry, looking for sustenance, possibly lending to a mildly festive atmosphere despite the reason for their journey. There may have been some reunions, re-acquaintances with old family and friends, even making new friends. And there surely must have been the local Roman garrison there to ensure that the proceedings went smoothly. Into this "chaos" comes the Sovereign King of all order as a little baby.
His first coming was so that all prophecy would be fulfilled in him as fully man, subject to the same life that those be came to live among were accustomed to. And through every step he took, he was preparing for his purpose - to live in perfect submission to God the Father the life we were meant to live but failed at when Adam sinned, plunging us all into servitude to our sinful (because they are devoid of God's law) desires. And he came to die, offering himself up at the appointed time to suffer the humiliation and rejection of those whom he loved, and the wrath of God necessary to satisfy God's justice on our behalf, so we might have salvation, and eternal life through God's power of raising Jesus from the dead for all who believe.
It may not be a quiet night wherever you are, but into the quietness of your heart, where troubles offer only disquiet, despair, frustration, anger and fear, God comes asking to come in to show his mercy, by his grace, in his love to give you the peace of reconciliation to himself, freeing you to a new life in him, to his great glory.
I implore you to fully engage in this season of the church called Advent as we concentrate on the meaning of his first coming. As you do, continue to lift up God's church and those I have mentioned here before who would appreciate your prayers for their present circumstances. Please add to this list the mother of a dear friend. Dolores is to have a unique surgery that is risky from the proximity of blood vessels and nerves that act on the face and eyes. The surgery is to remove a mass that has begun to grow on her left temple and will be done on November 30. Please lift up Dolores and her husband who is concerned about this, but trusting God through it all.
And I pray for you, for increasing strength and peace as the holiday season approaches, and that you might experience Christ's coming with a renewed excitement and wonder.
Christmas is Here
No, I don't mean that the holiday is upon us, although, as the commercial world will tell you, there are only thirty-four shopping days left until Christmas Day. I mean that Christmas is already here. The celebration of the birth of Jesus is every day for we are celebrating the gift God in human flesh to live among us as one of us, but perfectly, blameless, without sin or blemish, ultimately to be the atoning sacrifice as our substitute.
I also mean that it is nigh time to begin hearing the music of the Christmas season. Rachael just completed her first night of a two-performance run of her dance studio's version of the Nutcracker and Holiday Rhythms show. Whenever I see the show, I immediately think of the days when I was in band in junior high and high school and we would take several days to tour the local elementary schools to play a Christmas concert. Invariably it would include a suite of music from the Nutcracker. I also remember the then Miss Stapelton bringing round the High School Touring Chorus for a Christmas program when I was in elementary school. What a great way to recruit kids into these programs. I don't think they do that anymore.
Spreading good news. That is what we are to do. The good news that we no longer have to be estranged from God as his enemy. We celebrate Jesus' birth today by giving those we love the things we believe will satisfy. We do acknowledge that the worldly things we give are temporary, so we should be re-focusing our Christmas traditions around the gospel that gives truth and life, complete satisfaction of our soul's longing.
That is why, again this Thanksgiving season, we have so much to be thankful for. First for our God and savior, who loves us lavishly in that because of nothing we have done or will do, he sought us for his adopted children based on the justification provided by Christ alone through his finished work on the cross. Secondly, for a church that preaches the gospel relentlessly. God's word is ever new each day so it is good to hear, even to preach back to ourselves often. Third, for a church family that has surrounded us with so much love and caring. They are indefatigable. And we are thankful for family and friends that are always true to their calling of God in our lives. I am thankful for my wife and children, who continue to allow God to work in their lives and are transparent enough to struggle outwardly, even in the smallest degree. And not the least, but I have to be thankful to God for my present circumstances. I have seen God at work through all my life, some which I have recounted here, but now I see God differently, though I have changed through him, not God who has changed.
I fell asleep during the first portion of this, so I beg your pardon if it seems random. And I thank you as I thank our God for your continued care and love, and for your faithful reading and thoughtfulness.
Schaeffer sloppy-joes were the hit of the day yesterday. A true blessing of great provision by good friends. Pray for them as they travel over the holidays to Alaska.
I also mean that it is nigh time to begin hearing the music of the Christmas season. Rachael just completed her first night of a two-performance run of her dance studio's version of the Nutcracker and Holiday Rhythms show. Whenever I see the show, I immediately think of the days when I was in band in junior high and high school and we would take several days to tour the local elementary schools to play a Christmas concert. Invariably it would include a suite of music from the Nutcracker. I also remember the then Miss Stapelton bringing round the High School Touring Chorus for a Christmas program when I was in elementary school. What a great way to recruit kids into these programs. I don't think they do that anymore.
Spreading good news. That is what we are to do. The good news that we no longer have to be estranged from God as his enemy. We celebrate Jesus' birth today by giving those we love the things we believe will satisfy. We do acknowledge that the worldly things we give are temporary, so we should be re-focusing our Christmas traditions around the gospel that gives truth and life, complete satisfaction of our soul's longing.
That is why, again this Thanksgiving season, we have so much to be thankful for. First for our God and savior, who loves us lavishly in that because of nothing we have done or will do, he sought us for his adopted children based on the justification provided by Christ alone through his finished work on the cross. Secondly, for a church that preaches the gospel relentlessly. God's word is ever new each day so it is good to hear, even to preach back to ourselves often. Third, for a church family that has surrounded us with so much love and caring. They are indefatigable. And we are thankful for family and friends that are always true to their calling of God in our lives. I am thankful for my wife and children, who continue to allow God to work in their lives and are transparent enough to struggle outwardly, even in the smallest degree. And not the least, but I have to be thankful to God for my present circumstances. I have seen God at work through all my life, some which I have recounted here, but now I see God differently, though I have changed through him, not God who has changed.
I fell asleep during the first portion of this, so I beg your pardon if it seems random. And I thank you as I thank our God for your continued care and love, and for your faithful reading and thoughtfulness.
Schaeffer sloppy-joes were the hit of the day yesterday. A true blessing of great provision by good friends. Pray for them as they travel over the holidays to Alaska.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Smile
Today only slight fatigue. My voice is alternatively hoarse and somewhat raspy. But glad to be back on treatment. As I have said before, nothing significant to report. Except that God is always faithful, showing up and meeting our every need, even before we speak it. And a good weekend is on the horizon: Rachael will be dancing in her seventh Nutcracker and Kingdom of Sweets with the Joan Izzo Academy of Dance and Superne Dance Theatre. My mom and step-father will attend along with my two nieces from Newnan, GA. We are so looking forward to it.
It seems odd, but Rach's last dance recital (in June) was the weekend before our June 8 MRI that led to the immediate follow-up appointment with our family doc that started us down this path. In many ways, time tricks us to seeing such a time span as very short, while at other times it seems to be so far away. I may have mentioned it before, but my responsibilities at work involving the scheduling of support for various requirements, all date driven. And I've noticed more than once that time seems to pass more quickly with these duties, for I am always working toward a future date that is not really so far away. Oh well.
This week, I've had the opportunity to pass along my diagnosis to a few friends that are related through work. One or two already new through second hand information; but one did not. I took great comfort in the companionship over the phone, sharing as I did with these friends who also have experienced or are experiencing medical issues of their own. One, Tom will be undergoing surgery for prostate cancer in the near future. Please add Tom, Danny and Jeff to the list of others I have put before you on other occasions.
There are a few songs in my past that have to do with the title of this post: Make Me Smile (Chicago), Sara Smile (Hall & Oates) to name a couple. And for all the benefits of a jovial spirit, smiling takes a great deal of work, it seems, although it has been said that it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown (there is some debate about this). Regardless, it is hardly debatable that a smile is much better to wear than a frown. And the facial expression affects more than the muscles in your face.
It is a light on the soul, indicating where your spirit is - whether joyous, even in the storm, or dejected. There once were brothers who give a great illustration of this. Abel (apparently known only from the comparative statement regarding Cain) was a joyous person, while Cain was "angry" and his face was "fallen." God admonished him that "if he did well, he would be accepted," but that if he did not do well," that "sin was crouching at the door," that "desire is for" him, but "he must rule over it." The rest of the story describes how Cain gave into sin, killed his brother, and was banished from his family and God's presence.
We, too, can be accepted, but on the merits of Christ alone. Yes, faith in Christ and making him lord and master of our soul will lead to a changed, new life that must bear fruit (doing well), but that is for the glory of God, the benefit to others in living out God, and for our sanctification. We are to have joy, even in the dire circumstances that this broken world brings. We do grieve over sin, over the consequences of the fall that brings sickness, pain and death. We mourn separation from loved ones, whether by estrangement or death. But we know that these and others that sadden our hearts are but temporary, and for increasing glory in eternity. The joy we are to have in circumstances like these comes from knowing that God is God, and his ways are right, including our way through these difficult trials.
His promise is to be our God, and us to be his people; to never leave us nor forsake us; and to come again to take us home. He is completely trust worthy for he is always true, faithful and at work for his people to bring about his perfect will. And I have proof. It exists in the answers to the prayers of all of you and many others who lift us up daily. It comes in the giving of much strength when I did not believe I could go another step. It is manifested in the quiet calming of my natural tendency to doubt, fear and despair over these circumstances that have so disrupted life.
Then I know that God had purposed this for my good and I keep seeking to know that which he wants me to learn for me. It may be that this is how God is increasing my faith. It may be that there is more that he wants me to learn of him. Whatever it maybe, I am giving myself completely to what he has in store, for to hold back simply invites trouble. Trouble in the circumstances, and trouble in the spirit. There were times as a child that I remember feeling saddened over some trouble in my life, even thinking that I was depressed. But he has made me glad. David writes in Psalm 16:
This psalm contains a prophecy of the resurrection of the Messiah, in which the psalmist finds security and a cause for rejoicing. So we, too, should find, even in the darkest moments, that hope is steadfast, that these present struggles are nothing to compare with the riches we have in Christ Jesus, our lord, here in this present life, and in the life to come.
Chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes, fumi salad, chocolate cake with strawberries made for a most delicious meal from Chez Arnold.
It seems odd, but Rach's last dance recital (in June) was the weekend before our June 8 MRI that led to the immediate follow-up appointment with our family doc that started us down this path. In many ways, time tricks us to seeing such a time span as very short, while at other times it seems to be so far away. I may have mentioned it before, but my responsibilities at work involving the scheduling of support for various requirements, all date driven. And I've noticed more than once that time seems to pass more quickly with these duties, for I am always working toward a future date that is not really so far away. Oh well.
This week, I've had the opportunity to pass along my diagnosis to a few friends that are related through work. One or two already new through second hand information; but one did not. I took great comfort in the companionship over the phone, sharing as I did with these friends who also have experienced or are experiencing medical issues of their own. One, Tom will be undergoing surgery for prostate cancer in the near future. Please add Tom, Danny and Jeff to the list of others I have put before you on other occasions.
There are a few songs in my past that have to do with the title of this post: Make Me Smile (Chicago), Sara Smile (Hall & Oates) to name a couple. And for all the benefits of a jovial spirit, smiling takes a great deal of work, it seems, although it has been said that it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown (there is some debate about this). Regardless, it is hardly debatable that a smile is much better to wear than a frown. And the facial expression affects more than the muscles in your face.
It is a light on the soul, indicating where your spirit is - whether joyous, even in the storm, or dejected. There once were brothers who give a great illustration of this. Abel (apparently known only from the comparative statement regarding Cain) was a joyous person, while Cain was "angry" and his face was "fallen." God admonished him that "if he did well, he would be accepted," but that if he did not do well," that "sin was crouching at the door," that "desire is for" him, but "he must rule over it." The rest of the story describes how Cain gave into sin, killed his brother, and was banished from his family and God's presence.
We, too, can be accepted, but on the merits of Christ alone. Yes, faith in Christ and making him lord and master of our soul will lead to a changed, new life that must bear fruit (doing well), but that is for the glory of God, the benefit to others in living out God, and for our sanctification. We are to have joy, even in the dire circumstances that this broken world brings. We do grieve over sin, over the consequences of the fall that brings sickness, pain and death. We mourn separation from loved ones, whether by estrangement or death. But we know that these and others that sadden our hearts are but temporary, and for increasing glory in eternity. The joy we are to have in circumstances like these comes from knowing that God is God, and his ways are right, including our way through these difficult trials.
His promise is to be our God, and us to be his people; to never leave us nor forsake us; and to come again to take us home. He is completely trust worthy for he is always true, faithful and at work for his people to bring about his perfect will. And I have proof. It exists in the answers to the prayers of all of you and many others who lift us up daily. It comes in the giving of much strength when I did not believe I could go another step. It is manifested in the quiet calming of my natural tendency to doubt, fear and despair over these circumstances that have so disrupted life.
Then I know that God had purposed this for my good and I keep seeking to know that which he wants me to learn for me. It may be that this is how God is increasing my faith. It may be that there is more that he wants me to learn of him. Whatever it maybe, I am giving myself completely to what he has in store, for to hold back simply invites trouble. Trouble in the circumstances, and trouble in the spirit. There were times as a child that I remember feeling saddened over some trouble in my life, even thinking that I was depressed. But he has made me glad. David writes in Psalm 16:
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
This psalm contains a prophecy of the resurrection of the Messiah, in which the psalmist finds security and a cause for rejoicing. So we, too, should find, even in the darkest moments, that hope is steadfast, that these present struggles are nothing to compare with the riches we have in Christ Jesus, our lord, here in this present life, and in the life to come.
Chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes, fumi salad, chocolate cake with strawberries made for a most delicious meal from Chez Arnold.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Fixing
Just watched two things that remind me that I have a propensity, like most males, to fix things. Think about it for a minute. We are somehow wired to think that "problem presents, we the solution intend" (I just made that up, and I realize it is not very good). I still find, even after realizing that I cannot fix anything ( truly), that I default to a valiant attempt. Whenever some situation arises that brings conflict, I jump to attemt a devised solution.
I am talking primarily about relational things. But the premise works just as well for the projects that come with home ownership and the like, and the result is the same: takes exponentially longer than originally planned, and usually requires multiple trips to a store to get supplies, tools or advice. In the end, it may, just maybe, turn out right. This is one of the primal plots of TV and movies. The show establish a basic story line, introduces conflict, then spends the remainder of the show developing, presenting, then implementing the solution, and resolving the conflict.
Cynth and I just finished "There is No Place Like Home," the first episode on disc four of season four of Lost. But before that I was watching a few minutes of "The Dark Night.". Each of these do not hide the reality of a main character's need to fix things. In both, the need is consuming. Neither have learned to control it, although in the latter example, Batman does not appear to be motivated out of the need, as does Jack in Lost. Regardless, both recognize in varying degrees that their need to fix things cost them dearly in ways they would not choose if they really had a choice, which they, in reality, do.
Reminds me of other choices connected with fixing things: Abraham and Sarah taking matters into their own hands to protect Sarah, and later to provide an heir, when they could no longer wait on God; Jacob and his mother as they sought to supplant Esau and thus preempt God's design for his favor to Jacob; King Saul as he offered a illegal sacrifice because he was afraid; David in his choice of idleness to sin against God with Bathsheba, then his decision to kill Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba. But there is another choice made to fix things.
God provides a story that begins with his working creation and the consummate relationship with his creation through Man. But conflict came in the willingness of Man to choose not to trust God's word. So by the one man sin entered the world, and from that point forward in the Bible, we read of conflict after conflict and Man's attempt to fix it.
But God had a plan to fix it, one not requiring any supplies save of himself in the person of Jesus the Son, to live the perfect life of obedience to God that we could not live. His plan required no tools, except people to carry out his design in the betrayal, trial, humiliation and the cross - the instrument of his sacrifice. So God's word was made flesh and dwelled among us, introducing the kingdom of God to us and living out a life of obedience, submitting himself to the will of God the Father, even to death on the cross and the wrath God poured out to satisfy his justice, in mercy toward us who were deserving or his wrath as his enemies.
His fix was to realize his justice for the rebellion of his prize creation, the one created for relationship with him by providing the payment for the wrong committed against him through his unfathomnable love toward us. This fix is the only way to satisfy our need to fix things for it frees us from our constant need to feel worthy - our worth is in who we are in Christ alone. It gives us new life in him as adopted children and heirs with Christ for our glory in eternity, and through it we have assurance of our hope in the life everlasting . . . not life as we know it now, but life as it was meant to be, from the beginning with no more brokenness. And all we have to do for this release is to repent of our sin and accept his freely given grace to salvation, mercy to persevere, and peace for the life of following and trusting him in the midst of the storm. This is where we are, where we are called to be. How about you?
Treatment number ten is under way with the usual side effects experienced thus far. Still on the antibiotics through Saturday, then a dentist visit on Monday to hopefully take care of a small area of infection by way of a root canal. God is still sovereign and good, for we see him in all these events of our lives. I know he is using these circumstances, even the ones I try to fix, for his glory, the benefit of others and for my good. How wonderful that I get to play a part in his plan to fix things.
May his grace of unmeasurable love, his mercy of strength for the day, and his peace which passes all understanding be yours in the storms of this life.
I am talking primarily about relational things. But the premise works just as well for the projects that come with home ownership and the like, and the result is the same: takes exponentially longer than originally planned, and usually requires multiple trips to a store to get supplies, tools or advice. In the end, it may, just maybe, turn out right. This is one of the primal plots of TV and movies. The show establish a basic story line, introduces conflict, then spends the remainder of the show developing, presenting, then implementing the solution, and resolving the conflict.
Cynth and I just finished "There is No Place Like Home," the first episode on disc four of season four of Lost. But before that I was watching a few minutes of "The Dark Night.". Each of these do not hide the reality of a main character's need to fix things. In both, the need is consuming. Neither have learned to control it, although in the latter example, Batman does not appear to be motivated out of the need, as does Jack in Lost. Regardless, both recognize in varying degrees that their need to fix things cost them dearly in ways they would not choose if they really had a choice, which they, in reality, do.
Reminds me of other choices connected with fixing things: Abraham and Sarah taking matters into their own hands to protect Sarah, and later to provide an heir, when they could no longer wait on God; Jacob and his mother as they sought to supplant Esau and thus preempt God's design for his favor to Jacob; King Saul as he offered a illegal sacrifice because he was afraid; David in his choice of idleness to sin against God with Bathsheba, then his decision to kill Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba. But there is another choice made to fix things.
God provides a story that begins with his working creation and the consummate relationship with his creation through Man. But conflict came in the willingness of Man to choose not to trust God's word. So by the one man sin entered the world, and from that point forward in the Bible, we read of conflict after conflict and Man's attempt to fix it.
But God had a plan to fix it, one not requiring any supplies save of himself in the person of Jesus the Son, to live the perfect life of obedience to God that we could not live. His plan required no tools, except people to carry out his design in the betrayal, trial, humiliation and the cross - the instrument of his sacrifice. So God's word was made flesh and dwelled among us, introducing the kingdom of God to us and living out a life of obedience, submitting himself to the will of God the Father, even to death on the cross and the wrath God poured out to satisfy his justice, in mercy toward us who were deserving or his wrath as his enemies.
His fix was to realize his justice for the rebellion of his prize creation, the one created for relationship with him by providing the payment for the wrong committed against him through his unfathomnable love toward us. This fix is the only way to satisfy our need to fix things for it frees us from our constant need to feel worthy - our worth is in who we are in Christ alone. It gives us new life in him as adopted children and heirs with Christ for our glory in eternity, and through it we have assurance of our hope in the life everlasting . . . not life as we know it now, but life as it was meant to be, from the beginning with no more brokenness. And all we have to do for this release is to repent of our sin and accept his freely given grace to salvation, mercy to persevere, and peace for the life of following and trusting him in the midst of the storm. This is where we are, where we are called to be. How about you?
Treatment number ten is under way with the usual side effects experienced thus far. Still on the antibiotics through Saturday, then a dentist visit on Monday to hopefully take care of a small area of infection by way of a root canal. God is still sovereign and good, for we see him in all these events of our lives. I know he is using these circumstances, even the ones I try to fix, for his glory, the benefit of others and for my good. How wonderful that I get to play a part in his plan to fix things.
May his grace of unmeasurable love, his mercy of strength for the day, and his peace which passes all understanding be yours in the storms of this life.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Help!
Hopefully by this time tomorrow I'll be joined once again to "Bob" (my chemo pump). The infection of a week ago has passed, thanks to 500mg Cefadroxil and 4mg MethylPREDNIsolone. These took the place of the Amoxicilin that INOVA Fair Oaks prescribed a few days earlier. The result? After the first day the suspected cellulitis - gone. And I will have some dental work done to correct the supposed infection in the lower sinuses at the root of one lateral incisor.
Still experiencing fatigue, though not enough to impair me and Aaron going to the Redskins game last night - what a stink. A fellow at work who has season tickets had a class last night and he was selling the tickets at face value. So Aaron witnessed a disaster of record proportions last night in a slow rain. We left the game with about nine minutes left (against my normal practice) and hoofed it the 0.9 mile back to the Metro stop, making it home about 2:00 this morning. I did make it through work today (barely) and so I am looking forward to tomorrow. There is big news today, though.
The Beatles catalog is finally available on iTunes, including the compilation sets. I am hoping that will lower the cost of some of their CDs. But I am only watching right now. The Beatles, like much of the music I grew up with and have such affection for, were a bit ahead of me, and like my kids, it is time which has caused me to gain new appreciation for their music. I do have, though, a few of the original Capitol singles, and on e upon a time I had a copy of the Let It Be lp.
Let It Be. It still is a puzzle to me that all of humanity throughout our history on this planet have been so blessed with talent, most of which is squandered on the base things of this world. Even some of those artists I have mentioned here have used their talents to convey messages contrary to God. I am not suggesting that all art has to be strictly Christian, or even religious at the least.
But art does convey some message. That is where it's worth if founded. You do not purchase a work of art, a book, or music for the work in and of itself. You make the purchase because it has some effect on you. It moves you, generates emotions, feelings, maybe memories. But you make the purpose precisely because of it's affect on you. And I believe God uses such art to move us.
Yesterday. I've said it before: It is good to reflect on what is past. God calls us to remember. We're not to live there, but it is looking backward that we see God working out his story in our story. Often when we ruminate on our past, we recognize that "all our troubles seemed so far away," and we recognize that we cannot really "believe in yesterday" because things (in this world) do change. God does not.
Christ has always been his plan to redeem Man. Look at what the world has to offer - every system of thought, every experience, every work with which we busy ourselves - none satisfies the deep, deep longing of our soul. Christ alone does for he created us, he loved us - and loves us still - and he died for us. Died to set us free form the slavery of our rebellion against God. A slavery that we are powerless against, save through the person and work of God the Son and the persevering work of God the Spirit.
These past few weeks I have received another lesson in the work of God to sustain. In my lack of faith I received God's quieting of my soul, filling me with a piece I could not know, save his mercy. The hard part for me, as it likely is for all of us, is that God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, paraphrased). Power for patient walking with him daily - the key to persevering.
As you continue to pray for me, pleas remember those I've mentioned here before. To that list let me add Mike, Carol's brother, the medical situation he is in struggle with right now and the rest of that portion of the King family. Lastly, you will remember Tucker from some weeks ago. He is to have an appointment at Johns Hopkins on Thursday this week. Pray that this appointment will be the first step to restoration of health to this young man.
Lastly, but certainly not least - Happy Birthday to my mom, Martha. A wonderful example of God's grace in the heart of man.
God's grace and peace be with you all tonight and in the days to come.
Still experiencing fatigue, though not enough to impair me and Aaron going to the Redskins game last night - what a stink. A fellow at work who has season tickets had a class last night and he was selling the tickets at face value. So Aaron witnessed a disaster of record proportions last night in a slow rain. We left the game with about nine minutes left (against my normal practice) and hoofed it the 0.9 mile back to the Metro stop, making it home about 2:00 this morning. I did make it through work today (barely) and so I am looking forward to tomorrow. There is big news today, though.
The Beatles catalog is finally available on iTunes, including the compilation sets. I am hoping that will lower the cost of some of their CDs. But I am only watching right now. The Beatles, like much of the music I grew up with and have such affection for, were a bit ahead of me, and like my kids, it is time which has caused me to gain new appreciation for their music. I do have, though, a few of the original Capitol singles, and on e upon a time I had a copy of the Let It Be lp.
Let It Be. It still is a puzzle to me that all of humanity throughout our history on this planet have been so blessed with talent, most of which is squandered on the base things of this world. Even some of those artists I have mentioned here have used their talents to convey messages contrary to God. I am not suggesting that all art has to be strictly Christian, or even religious at the least.
But art does convey some message. That is where it's worth if founded. You do not purchase a work of art, a book, or music for the work in and of itself. You make the purchase because it has some effect on you. It moves you, generates emotions, feelings, maybe memories. But you make the purpose precisely because of it's affect on you. And I believe God uses such art to move us.
Yesterday. I've said it before: It is good to reflect on what is past. God calls us to remember. We're not to live there, but it is looking backward that we see God working out his story in our story. Often when we ruminate on our past, we recognize that "all our troubles seemed so far away," and we recognize that we cannot really "believe in yesterday" because things (in this world) do change. God does not.
Christ has always been his plan to redeem Man. Look at what the world has to offer - every system of thought, every experience, every work with which we busy ourselves - none satisfies the deep, deep longing of our soul. Christ alone does for he created us, he loved us - and loves us still - and he died for us. Died to set us free form the slavery of our rebellion against God. A slavery that we are powerless against, save through the person and work of God the Son and the persevering work of God the Spirit.
These past few weeks I have received another lesson in the work of God to sustain. In my lack of faith I received God's quieting of my soul, filling me with a piece I could not know, save his mercy. The hard part for me, as it likely is for all of us, is that God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, paraphrased). Power for patient walking with him daily - the key to persevering.
As you continue to pray for me, pleas remember those I've mentioned here before. To that list let me add Mike, Carol's brother, the medical situation he is in struggle with right now and the rest of that portion of the King family. Lastly, you will remember Tucker from some weeks ago. He is to have an appointment at Johns Hopkins on Thursday this week. Pray that this appointment will be the first step to restoration of health to this young man.
Lastly, but certainly not least - Happy Birthday to my mom, Martha. A wonderful example of God's grace in the heart of man.
God's grace and peace be with you all tonight and in the days to come.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The Chain
In the mid-seventies, my mom, sister and I moved from the church I had been baptized in, and the one my mom had grown up in, to Park Street Baptist Church. Fitting in with the youth group was not much of a problem for one considered by some to be "backward," another southern term. One of the memorable things about this period was the pastor's daughter and her husband were huge Fleetwood Mac fans, and my musical taste at this point did not include such a group as Fleetwood Mac, I think primarily because they did not get a lot of radio play.
A few years later, I would gain an appreciation for Fleetwood Mac, especially their album Tusk. Tusk reached # 4 on Billboard despite later being deemed a failure by the record label, largely because of the huge cost of producing the record (over $1,000,000) and the comparison to the success of Rumours over two and a half years earlier. The title track of the album (the primary reason I wanted this album) was recorded with the University of Southern California "Spirit of Troy" Trojan Marching Band, setting a record for the highest number of musicians playing on a single. And it earned the USC Marching Band a platinum record,
But many years earlier, Fleetwood Mac formed from the players from other bands in London. Primarily a blues band, they made the transition to rock with some personnel changes in 1969, just two years after their formation. For the next six years they delivered six albums, none of which enjoyed the commercial success of the albums from their next period, when Lindsay Buckingham and Stevie Nicks joined the group. But an interesting fact for their early years is that in 1968, Fleetwood Mac released a few singles not yet on wither of their first two albums. One of these would become a bigger hit two years later for another blues band, this one from San Francisco - Santana. The song, Black Magic Woman.
You might ask at this juncture "So?". Well, like an episode of the late TV show Lost, there are connections, often between the most unlikely of points of time and space. Remember me telling you about listening to records at my cousin Tony's house? Carlos Santana's arrangement and recording of Black Magic Woman/Gypsy Queen was one of my favorites. In this version, the verses are sung by Gregg Rolie, later of Journey fame with Aynsley Dunbar, formerly the drummer of John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers, which also included Fleetwood Mac founder Peter Green, John McVie and Mick Fleetwood in the late 1960's. Again, you might ask, "So?".
Just as in a recent episode of Lost, we all get pulled back into the memories of our past. Revisiting places, people and events that sometime seem as if it were just yesterday. Other times, the memory might be a little more fuzzy, more distant, but there is enough there to elicit a smile or a tear. In these moments, there is no danger, physically, to the one experiencing the moment, but, even though it may not be acknowledged, there is a constant. That which serves to bring us back to the here and now.
In the seemingly ever-changing circumstances of this journey I am on, I take great comfort in re-living many of the memories of my past, both recent and far-away. Because I see God all through the days of my life, my remembrances are not soured by regrets. Of course there are some "I wish . . ." moments, but no regrets, for everything has been ordered by God to work in me that which he purposed. And the constant in my life is God. Even when I moved away, he was there, working the details that would move me back to him in repentance and in deeper love for what he had accomplished for me.
Fleetwood Mac sings "I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain," ("The Chain," Rumours, 1977). But the only thing that remains is God, for he was and is and will be. He alone is faithful to his word and his character. We are not, at least not in this life, no matter how we try. Even with his strength and help, we are still human enough to be fickle and can be turned by a whim. God's unchangeable faithfulness is cause enough to be confident in the blessings of the past, the work of today and the hope of tomorrow. Praise be to God for his steadfastness.
Tonight, shrimp and rice casserole, mixed greens salad, sourdough bread, chocolate peanut butter bars, and pumpkin bread full of love warmed our house.
A few years later, I would gain an appreciation for Fleetwood Mac, especially their album Tusk. Tusk reached # 4 on Billboard despite later being deemed a failure by the record label, largely because of the huge cost of producing the record (over $1,000,000) and the comparison to the success of Rumours over two and a half years earlier. The title track of the album (the primary reason I wanted this album) was recorded with the University of Southern California "Spirit of Troy" Trojan Marching Band, setting a record for the highest number of musicians playing on a single. And it earned the USC Marching Band a platinum record,
But many years earlier, Fleetwood Mac formed from the players from other bands in London. Primarily a blues band, they made the transition to rock with some personnel changes in 1969, just two years after their formation. For the next six years they delivered six albums, none of which enjoyed the commercial success of the albums from their next period, when Lindsay Buckingham and Stevie Nicks joined the group. But an interesting fact for their early years is that in 1968, Fleetwood Mac released a few singles not yet on wither of their first two albums. One of these would become a bigger hit two years later for another blues band, this one from San Francisco - Santana. The song, Black Magic Woman.
You might ask at this juncture "So?". Well, like an episode of the late TV show Lost, there are connections, often between the most unlikely of points of time and space. Remember me telling you about listening to records at my cousin Tony's house? Carlos Santana's arrangement and recording of Black Magic Woman/Gypsy Queen was one of my favorites. In this version, the verses are sung by Gregg Rolie, later of Journey fame with Aynsley Dunbar, formerly the drummer of John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers, which also included Fleetwood Mac founder Peter Green, John McVie and Mick Fleetwood in the late 1960's. Again, you might ask, "So?".
Just as in a recent episode of Lost, we all get pulled back into the memories of our past. Revisiting places, people and events that sometime seem as if it were just yesterday. Other times, the memory might be a little more fuzzy, more distant, but there is enough there to elicit a smile or a tear. In these moments, there is no danger, physically, to the one experiencing the moment, but, even though it may not be acknowledged, there is a constant. That which serves to bring us back to the here and now.
In the seemingly ever-changing circumstances of this journey I am on, I take great comfort in re-living many of the memories of my past, both recent and far-away. Because I see God all through the days of my life, my remembrances are not soured by regrets. Of course there are some "I wish . . ." moments, but no regrets, for everything has been ordered by God to work in me that which he purposed. And the constant in my life is God. Even when I moved away, he was there, working the details that would move me back to him in repentance and in deeper love for what he had accomplished for me.
Fleetwood Mac sings "I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain," ("The Chain," Rumours, 1977). But the only thing that remains is God, for he was and is and will be. He alone is faithful to his word and his character. We are not, at least not in this life, no matter how we try. Even with his strength and help, we are still human enough to be fickle and can be turned by a whim. God's unchangeable faithfulness is cause enough to be confident in the blessings of the past, the work of today and the hope of tomorrow. Praise be to God for his steadfastness.
Tonight, shrimp and rice casserole, mixed greens salad, sourdough bread, chocolate peanut butter bars, and pumpkin bread full of love warmed our house.
Just Hanging
Bob-less. No chemo this week. Dr Felice is concerned about the supposed infected sinuses and what may be cellulitis (the redness, hot-to-the-touch, sore upper left arm and the rash that appears to have sprung from it). There is also the possibility that the sinuses are not infected, but possible abscesses at the root of a few teeth may be causing similar symptoms. So I am now armed with yet stronger antibiotics, and we are to radio back to the doc on Friday to tell him either that we are making progress, or that the infection is getting worse. We are poised to begin treatment number ten (I have been corrected) next week, provided that we get this infection evicted.
To me this feels like a set-back. Remember that I wanted to move the treatment that wouldn't fallen on Thanksgiving week to the week prior (that would have been next week) essentially giving me two treatments back-to-back. Funny how this worked out. Now, if the infection is reigned in, I will get the schedule I wanted, just not the way I wanted and still I will have missed a treatment. Oh well, doctor knows best, so it is said.
Kind of reminds me of just hanging around. During my periods of feeling not completely up to par, I will sometimes answer "hanging in there." Hanging in there, as if to suggest that presence, being is enough for the moment. It leads one to believe the one making the such a statement is simply responding to whatever factors or variables that come their way.
This is not at all a right attitude. God, through the "weeping" prophet encourages the exiled Judeans to "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.
Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.
But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare." (Jeremiah 29:5-7)
God intends that we be actively involved in the increase, prosperity, if you will, of the "community" where he has placed us. Further, God warns the exiles against the deceptions of their own prophets and diviners. We too must develop discernment to hear God, and reject the lies of the world, even the ones we tell ourselves concerning our hearts, circumstances, or God himself. God tells them of his plan for them, even to the inclusion of a time line. Then he says "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (verses 12,13)
I felt like Jonah today. God has so amply provided for us, that I assumed that I would have treatment today, and the "withering vine" upset my world, even though I had done nothing to provide the treatments. I had, for a moment, forgotten God and his faithfulness to provide for our every need. Jonah didn't call out to God as he whined about the vine, yet God instructed Jonah in his mercy and grace.
I want to be as Paul urges, one who, ". . . by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." (Romans 12:1) Finally, I pray to ". . . not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (verse 2)
Chicken pesto pasta, corn & cucumber medley, Caesar salad, and Artisan Renaissance Grain Bread did not Tucker us out tonight.
God bless.
To me this feels like a set-back. Remember that I wanted to move the treatment that wouldn't fallen on Thanksgiving week to the week prior (that would have been next week) essentially giving me two treatments back-to-back. Funny how this worked out. Now, if the infection is reigned in, I will get the schedule I wanted, just not the way I wanted and still I will have missed a treatment. Oh well, doctor knows best, so it is said.
Kind of reminds me of just hanging around. During my periods of feeling not completely up to par, I will sometimes answer "hanging in there." Hanging in there, as if to suggest that presence, being is enough for the moment. It leads one to believe the one making the such a statement is simply responding to whatever factors or variables that come their way.
This is not at all a right attitude. God, through the "weeping" prophet encourages the exiled Judeans to "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.
Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.
But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare." (Jeremiah 29:5-7)
God intends that we be actively involved in the increase, prosperity, if you will, of the "community" where he has placed us. Further, God warns the exiles against the deceptions of their own prophets and diviners. We too must develop discernment to hear God, and reject the lies of the world, even the ones we tell ourselves concerning our hearts, circumstances, or God himself. God tells them of his plan for them, even to the inclusion of a time line. Then he says "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (verses 12,13)
I felt like Jonah today. God has so amply provided for us, that I assumed that I would have treatment today, and the "withering vine" upset my world, even though I had done nothing to provide the treatments. I had, for a moment, forgotten God and his faithfulness to provide for our every need. Jonah didn't call out to God as he whined about the vine, yet God instructed Jonah in his mercy and grace.
I want to be as Paul urges, one who, ". . . by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." (Romans 12:1) Finally, I pray to ". . . not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (verse 2)
Chicken pesto pasta, corn & cucumber medley, Caesar salad, and Artisan Renaissance Grain Bread did not Tucker us out tonight.
God bless.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
An Alternative Reality
Tomorrow is my (eleventh) treatment day! Or so I believe . . . I've actually lost count. Blood counts should not be an issue this time. Our weekend excursion to the finer accommodations at INOVA Fair Oaks emergency revealed a white blood count of seventeen. Previous counts had been in the less than five range. Thanks to the sinus infection.
I think I mentioned the reaction to the pneumonia vaccine manifested on my left arm. It has itched all day today. Agony, 'cause it is hard to get to with a shirt on. Thank goodness for eighteen inch rulers that gave some very slight relief. It had better perform as advertised, or I am not going to have anything nice to say about it.
Tomorrow we have the follow-up with our magician friend - praying for good news - then we pick up Bob for another three day/two night overnighter. We also pray that the prior weeks shortage of Leucovorin will have been solved and we'll have it available tomorrow. I also pray that they will be able to get the blood samples from my port, primarily because that is the primary site, and also because it appears it is getting harder to find my good veins.
You know, life is hard. I think we may insulate ourselves by little "lies" ("I'm doing fine;" "Things are great;" "Not bad, not bad;" etc.) All which are designed to give us the perception of our control over the events of our day-to-day and the outcomes. We even fool ourselves into believing we have control or influence over others. Yet they too believe they are ultimately in charge when it comes to their life. Before going further, I am not talking about the varying degrees of influence that we allow others to have or that we sometimes assume over others.
Sometimes we "create" an environment that influences as much if not more than our being. We respond to a person based on their personality, character, manner, even appearance tempered with a strong infusion of our "preferences." Expectations develop, but these are not revealed to the other, and so they continue on as before, not realizing that he or she is either meeting or exceeding our expectations, or further validating our negative view and confirming the need for the environment. Left to motor on, our perceptions give rise to reality, and a barrier is built to true, open, Christ-honoring relationship.
I am humbled that the God of the universe doesn't approach those he seeks like we do. He chases us - even though we deserve his wrath - out of a deeper love than we could never imagine. And when he has softened our hearts to be receptive to his love, all we can do is to repent - agree with him that we are in desperate need of his salvation to leave our slavery to sin for his freedom to obey. And this new life we gain is filled with him to act out "Thy kingdom come" and hope for the reality of eternal life in his new heaven and new earth. For the here and now, this life also gives me the ability to reject the manner of this world and those who reject the truth. I am still learning how to fight the lies that seek to sabatoge my trust in him.
Thank you for your prayers and love. God bless.
I think I mentioned the reaction to the pneumonia vaccine manifested on my left arm. It has itched all day today. Agony, 'cause it is hard to get to with a shirt on. Thank goodness for eighteen inch rulers that gave some very slight relief. It had better perform as advertised, or I am not going to have anything nice to say about it.
Tomorrow we have the follow-up with our magician friend - praying for good news - then we pick up Bob for another three day/two night overnighter. We also pray that the prior weeks shortage of Leucovorin will have been solved and we'll have it available tomorrow. I also pray that they will be able to get the blood samples from my port, primarily because that is the primary site, and also because it appears it is getting harder to find my good veins.
You know, life is hard. I think we may insulate ourselves by little "lies" ("I'm doing fine;" "Things are great;" "Not bad, not bad;" etc.) All which are designed to give us the perception of our control over the events of our day-to-day and the outcomes. We even fool ourselves into believing we have control or influence over others. Yet they too believe they are ultimately in charge when it comes to their life. Before going further, I am not talking about the varying degrees of influence that we allow others to have or that we sometimes assume over others.
Sometimes we "create" an environment that influences as much if not more than our being. We respond to a person based on their personality, character, manner, even appearance tempered with a strong infusion of our "preferences." Expectations develop, but these are not revealed to the other, and so they continue on as before, not realizing that he or she is either meeting or exceeding our expectations, or further validating our negative view and confirming the need for the environment. Left to motor on, our perceptions give rise to reality, and a barrier is built to true, open, Christ-honoring relationship.
I am humbled that the God of the universe doesn't approach those he seeks like we do. He chases us - even though we deserve his wrath - out of a deeper love than we could never imagine. And when he has softened our hearts to be receptive to his love, all we can do is to repent - agree with him that we are in desperate need of his salvation to leave our slavery to sin for his freedom to obey. And this new life we gain is filled with him to act out "Thy kingdom come" and hope for the reality of eternal life in his new heaven and new earth. For the here and now, this life also gives me the ability to reject the manner of this world and those who reject the truth. I am still learning how to fight the lies that seek to sabatoge my trust in him.
Thank you for your prayers and love. God bless.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A Valley
Last summer we had the opportunity to travel through (what seemed like) a huge chunk of West Virginia. Good friends of ours were vacationing there with most of their family, and we were joining them just for one night and to hand Rachael over to them for her to visit them and others we had left behind when we left Arkansas. As we got started, it was raining, and though some would say it looked pretty dreary, I would have said it just looked pretty (remember me and my penchant for every day). But there were moments that the surroundings could only be described as perfectly gloomy and filled with foreboding. The sky would be dark, rain would be falling and there would be mountains all round. We were in a valley.
Last week I was in a valley. Thank you for all who reached out to see what if anything was wrong. And I am sorry that I've been a week negligent to my calling. I can only say that it was a bit of a downer to have had such a great weekend (again) with family, and I was already feeling fatigued. The wind was taken out of sails, so to speak, and I think I needed a time to recharge. So what happened during my absence?
Well, the week (31 October through 7 November, my longest dry spell, I know) started with us driving back From Newport News on Reformation Day. Work on Monday, a partial day on Tuesday (for an appointment with the VA), and the rest of the week was essentially as it has been - work, with periods of fighting off the fatigue. Then came Saturday. Well , I have gotten ahead of myself. Thursday I received my flu shot and also a pneumonia vaccine. Friday, I felt pretty good, still fatigued, but making it by. Then Saturday came. I could not get up Saturday. I did eventually get up and make it to the den in time for the NC State/Clemson game, but I slept through the entire first half and most of the second. I was running a fever that at one point was over 103. But covered in blankets, and armed with Motrin, I broke the fever with about nine minutes to go in the game. Saturday night the fever returned, but this time it brought a headache along and it would not let me rest.
So I tossed and turned all night and into Sunday. For this to have been Fall Back time, it felt like we gained an entire day, not just an hour. And about 2 o'clock and a fever now of 102.8, we went to Inova Fair Oaks Emergency Department (they told me they had a VIP room just for me - this was, after all, our third trip there in the last seven months), where we saw the first doc we had seen way back on our first visit and who had been the one to recommend the follow-up MRI that started us down our journey. Sweat still running down my head as if I had been running (which I assure you I was not) and they take my temperature upon arrival - 97.8! After blood cultures, a CT scan of my sinuses (suspect for the headaches) and a chest x-ray, it was determined that I have a sinus infection, and a possible inflammatory reaction to the pneumonia vaccine (a six inch long red spot on the back of my left upper arm that is hot to the touch and painful). A bag of fluids and a script for an antibiotic, and all is well again. We had great nurses there, and Joyce did a fine job with her first ever accessing a powerport to get a blood sample.
So today I took the day off to try to recoup as much as I could, and I knew I needed to get back to this blog. I also took the step of going all the way back and copying all the previous ninety-five posts into a file on my external drive - something Cynth had been after me to do for a while. And I feel that I owe either an apology or I should ask for your understanding - in looking back over many, I have found way more errors than I though I had left from my editing. Now I am going through and re-editing them and putting them in chronological order, but it is a huge task. I know that I can talk the bark off a tree; I didn't know I can write the white off of paper.
Here I am now, though. A week after I began what has thus far been my worst week. Just a general malaise that insidiously (like hypoxia is insidious) but surely took control. Yet, that should be expected, I guess. It comes down to I don't like my situation right now. I want my situation to be much different - cancer free, not watching each and every hour I have to be away from work, not concerned about the time away from Cynth or the kids for doctors appointments or being too tired to engage, being able to work on and finish many of the projects I have started. OK, all of the projects I have started, and many that I have not yet begun. I miss being in choir, where even now they are beginning to work on the fabulous Christmas music that has become so huge for me during the season. I miss helping with our Lay Counseling ministry.
Change is hard. It is hard because it requires something of us. I hate change, much like I "hate" growing, but yet growing and change go together, especially when the change is such that you are shaken out of your norm, which probably happens with every change, it is just a matter of degrees. Praise God that He never changes. I cannot imagine going day-to-day with all that "happens" wondering when the next shoe will drop, the next piece of bad news will come, or whatever may come next, and just taking it as it comes and reacting as if out of some sort of script that no one has rehearsed. What a huge, freeing peace it is to know that my steps are ordered and guided lovingly by the One who created me. When I face the evil of this world, He shepherds me through the darkness of the valley, even though I may be there a while. And when I stray, He hears my cry of repentance and he leads me back in His way.
I was not alone last week. God was with me, encouraging me, building me up, readying me to continue in this journey - this life - not just the cancer part, but my life. For this is His story too. His story of redemption and restoration that began with His act of reconciling me to Him through the work of Jesus who died my death in obedience to the Father to satisfy the debt I could not pay because of sin. I am not alone now, for the Spirit is with me to teach and guide, perfecting me as we go. And I will not be alone in the future, because God raised Jesus from the dead and so shall I and all who believe in Jesus be - raised to eternal life to be with God the Father, Jesus the Son, and God the Spirit as it was meant to be.
Thank you again, for all your notes and encouragement. I am happy to be back in this saddle again.
God bless you all as you go this week and in the weeks to come.
Last week I was in a valley. Thank you for all who reached out to see what if anything was wrong. And I am sorry that I've been a week negligent to my calling. I can only say that it was a bit of a downer to have had such a great weekend (again) with family, and I was already feeling fatigued. The wind was taken out of sails, so to speak, and I think I needed a time to recharge. So what happened during my absence?
Well, the week (31 October through 7 November, my longest dry spell, I know) started with us driving back From Newport News on Reformation Day. Work on Monday, a partial day on Tuesday (for an appointment with the VA), and the rest of the week was essentially as it has been - work, with periods of fighting off the fatigue. Then came Saturday. Well , I have gotten ahead of myself. Thursday I received my flu shot and also a pneumonia vaccine. Friday, I felt pretty good, still fatigued, but making it by. Then Saturday came. I could not get up Saturday. I did eventually get up and make it to the den in time for the NC State/Clemson game, but I slept through the entire first half and most of the second. I was running a fever that at one point was over 103. But covered in blankets, and armed with Motrin, I broke the fever with about nine minutes to go in the game. Saturday night the fever returned, but this time it brought a headache along and it would not let me rest.
So I tossed and turned all night and into Sunday. For this to have been Fall Back time, it felt like we gained an entire day, not just an hour. And about 2 o'clock and a fever now of 102.8, we went to Inova Fair Oaks Emergency Department (they told me they had a VIP room just for me - this was, after all, our third trip there in the last seven months), where we saw the first doc we had seen way back on our first visit and who had been the one to recommend the follow-up MRI that started us down our journey. Sweat still running down my head as if I had been running (which I assure you I was not) and they take my temperature upon arrival - 97.8! After blood cultures, a CT scan of my sinuses (suspect for the headaches) and a chest x-ray, it was determined that I have a sinus infection, and a possible inflammatory reaction to the pneumonia vaccine (a six inch long red spot on the back of my left upper arm that is hot to the touch and painful). A bag of fluids and a script for an antibiotic, and all is well again. We had great nurses there, and Joyce did a fine job with her first ever accessing a powerport to get a blood sample.
So today I took the day off to try to recoup as much as I could, and I knew I needed to get back to this blog. I also took the step of going all the way back and copying all the previous ninety-five posts into a file on my external drive - something Cynth had been after me to do for a while. And I feel that I owe either an apology or I should ask for your understanding - in looking back over many, I have found way more errors than I though I had left from my editing. Now I am going through and re-editing them and putting them in chronological order, but it is a huge task. I know that I can talk the bark off a tree; I didn't know I can write the white off of paper.
Here I am now, though. A week after I began what has thus far been my worst week. Just a general malaise that insidiously (like hypoxia is insidious) but surely took control. Yet, that should be expected, I guess. It comes down to I don't like my situation right now. I want my situation to be much different - cancer free, not watching each and every hour I have to be away from work, not concerned about the time away from Cynth or the kids for doctors appointments or being too tired to engage, being able to work on and finish many of the projects I have started. OK, all of the projects I have started, and many that I have not yet begun. I miss being in choir, where even now they are beginning to work on the fabulous Christmas music that has become so huge for me during the season. I miss helping with our Lay Counseling ministry.
Change is hard. It is hard because it requires something of us. I hate change, much like I "hate" growing, but yet growing and change go together, especially when the change is such that you are shaken out of your norm, which probably happens with every change, it is just a matter of degrees. Praise God that He never changes. I cannot imagine going day-to-day with all that "happens" wondering when the next shoe will drop, the next piece of bad news will come, or whatever may come next, and just taking it as it comes and reacting as if out of some sort of script that no one has rehearsed. What a huge, freeing peace it is to know that my steps are ordered and guided lovingly by the One who created me. When I face the evil of this world, He shepherds me through the darkness of the valley, even though I may be there a while. And when I stray, He hears my cry of repentance and he leads me back in His way.
I was not alone last week. God was with me, encouraging me, building me up, readying me to continue in this journey - this life - not just the cancer part, but my life. For this is His story too. His story of redemption and restoration that began with His act of reconciling me to Him through the work of Jesus who died my death in obedience to the Father to satisfy the debt I could not pay because of sin. I am not alone now, for the Spirit is with me to teach and guide, perfecting me as we go. And I will not be alone in the future, because God raised Jesus from the dead and so shall I and all who believe in Jesus be - raised to eternal life to be with God the Father, Jesus the Son, and God the Spirit as it was meant to be.
Thank you again, for all your notes and encouragement. I am happy to be back in this saddle again.
God bless you all as you go this week and in the weeks to come.
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