An Alternative Reality

Tomorrow is my (eleventh) treatment day! Or so I believe . . . I've actually lost count. Blood counts should not be an issue this time. Our weekend excursion to the finer accommodations at INOVA Fair Oaks emergency revealed a white blood count of seventeen. Previous counts had been in the less than five range. Thanks to the sinus infection.

I think I mentioned the reaction to the pneumonia vaccine manifested on my left arm. It has itched all day today. Agony, 'cause it is hard to get to with a shirt on. Thank goodness for eighteen inch rulers that gave some very slight relief. It had better perform as advertised, or I am not going to have anything nice to say about it.

Tomorrow we have the follow-up with our magician friend - praying for good news - then we pick up Bob for another three day/two night overnighter. We also pray that the prior weeks shortage of Leucovorin will have been solved and we'll have it available tomorrow. I also pray that they will be able to get the blood samples from my port, primarily because that is the primary site, and also because it appears it is getting harder to find my good veins.

You know, life is hard. I think we may insulate ourselves by little "lies" ("I'm doing fine;" "Things are great;" "Not bad, not bad;" etc.) All which are designed to give us the perception of our control over the events of our day-to-day and the outcomes. We even fool ourselves into believing we have control or influence over others. Yet they too believe they are ultimately in charge when it comes to their life. Before going further, I am not talking about the varying degrees of influence that we allow others to have or that we sometimes assume over others.

Sometimes we "create" an environment that influences as much if not more than our being. We respond to a person based on their personality, character, manner, even appearance tempered with a strong infusion of our "preferences." Expectations develop, but these are not revealed to the other, and so they continue on as before, not realizing that he or she is either meeting or exceeding our expectations, or further validating our negative view and confirming the need for the environment. Left to motor on, our perceptions give rise to reality, and a barrier is built to true, open, Christ-honoring relationship.

I am humbled that the God of the universe doesn't approach those he seeks like we do. He chases us - even though we deserve his wrath - out of a deeper love than we could never imagine. And when he has softened our hearts to be receptive to his love, all we can do is to repent - agree with him that we are in desperate need of his salvation to leave our slavery to sin for his freedom to obey. And this new life we gain is filled with him to act out "Thy kingdom come" and hope for the reality of eternal life in his new heaven and new earth. For the here and now, this life also gives me the ability to reject the manner of this world and those who reject the truth. I am still learning how to fight the lies that seek to sabatoge my trust in him.

Thank you for your prayers and love. God bless.