"Bob" is in the house. And at work. Wherever I go, he is with me. The little whooshing sound it makes as it pumps 0.4pm every ten minutes is something of a comfort after these three months. I'm a little better about not forgetting "Bob." He has his own place to hang when I sleep, and he rests comfortably on the corner of my desk at work and a hook by the shower keeps him dry and happily pumping away.
Today I hit the fatigue factor kind of early at work. Usually I notice it at about 10:30 just before lunch. Occasionally it will hold off until about 1:00. But today I could tell I was a little more tired than normal at about 8:15. But working through it by staying busy got me to about 2:15 and almost home. Nothing else significant to report.
Again God blesses us with good days filled with witnessing his care for us through the encouragement of people contacting through Facebook (Cynth more than me, email, a few phone calls and the visits on these days we have treatment. I have missed a few of those, and I am truly sorry.
It has occurred to me that most of the popular (as opposed to classical or jazz) music I have mentioned thus far only includes guy groups or guy solo artists, despite us having numerous girl groups or girl solo recordings. At the moment, I don't have a single song in my head from a girl act that I can use here for the train of thought I have going here. I just thought I'd mention it. Come to think of it, I do have a song in my head that I can use.
I think I've already mentioned the comedy album belonging to my parents that I used to listen to. There were two albums they had by Teresa Brewer. Well, two that remember. The first was Heavenly Lover, but my favorite for the title song was "'When Your Lover Has Gone.". The album cover had a photo of Miss Brewer on an evening gown, an image of sophistication, looking through a window, as if expecting her heart's desire to round the corner and up to her door at any minute. I only remember the title track. I love the way it begins slow with a lush string section providing the movement, which gives way to a boss nova style to the end. Okay, so it so it doesn't even come close to my train of thought . . . It just happened to be on my mind just now.
What is on my mind is the discussion we had with Dr Havens yesterday, and a realization that while we've prayed many things, we may not have been praying for a cure, at least not specifically. So, today I heard from two at least that heard about our talk with Dr H, and they told me they are praying specifically for a cure, not simply remission. Thinking back to our first visit to Dr Felice, I am reminded that he told us he does not discount miracles, that we were going to work toward turning this into a chronic illness, but that he encouraged hopeful goals. So maybe we should ask that you join us in praying for a cure. God has heard all these many prayers - why not this one also?
Why not indeed? God is ever present. He is not absent. And he is working, ever working to bring about his perfect will. He can work a miracle here, just as he does for many other such things. The key is for us to see it. Do we really believe that God cares about us? Do we believe that he loves and cares so much for us that he is always at work, molding us, shaping us, guide us toward what he intends us to be. And since he is constantly working on us, he is not ever far away, absent from us. We are the ones who wander. And when we wander, it is not God who is left alone for he is all together all sufficient. It is us who are alone. All alone. To us, it feels as though God is far off. We allow ourselves to believe God who we are told is the lover of our souls, has left us, and so we are left to grow fear and despair, losing the joy and peace so recently ours. Then sin has a playground. Our lives feel dark, and we might even begin to believe we cannot go back.
All that is needed is for us to heed God's urging, the whisper to our soul calling us back to him that softens our heart if we listen and remember God's great love for us. Then repent of our unfaithfulness and return to the only one who can truly love us for his love is truly unconditional. We don't even have to clean up. We return, just as the younger son in the Prodigal parable, and we find a heavenly father waiting to lavish on us the riches of his love.
We pray for his healing, for his miracle, according to his perfect will, discernment to see it, wisdom to understand it, and the mercy and grace to accept it. Please join us in prayer as we do so. God bless you as you do.
Last night we enjoyed a meal of Jenkins' oven fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans topped off with a beautiful apple pie.
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