If God wills, tomorrow we begin the next round of treatment. I'll have to remember to take my four pills of Xeloda, along with the rest of the pharmacy I am taking regularly, before going to the oncologist for the Oxaliplatin infusion at 9:30. My blood pressure and temperature have bothbeen stable over the last month and a half, although my blood pressure hasbeen on the low side. So as long as my blood counts are good, we should be able to continue. And I have every expectation that the counts will be good.
If God wills. How often do we breathe those words into our day? It is a summary of a portion of the Lord's prayer, "your kingdom come." When we take our supplication to God, and we ask his will to be done, we acknowledge his sovereignty, and our submission to him. We have to see our desires, what we pray for, as being subject to God and his plan which is always for our good. That is, good from God's perspective. So he sometimes answers "no."
After so much of my life trying so hard to live according to "your will be done," God has used the last several months to teach me more of what that really looks like. It is not an easy place to be, for it requires that submission of our all to him. Everything in this life is nothing we compared to the surpassing riches of life in Christ.
This then is how each day is lived right now - acknowledging God who made me in his image as I am. I live knowing that he is not surprised at all at what I face during the day. I check my natural man, committing him to God so his will reigns supreme. I follow, believing God's promises to finish his work in me, to work his redemption in my life. And that through all the struggles and pain of this broken world.
If God wills, to his great glory.
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